Loving you isn't easy
by DarkPheonix 666
Summary: Amelia Jones and Anya Braginskaya are roommates in college, trying to figure out their goals in life. When they are not playing rivals, they share a strong sexual tension between them. But will they ever admit their feelings? When their crushes are so obvious to the people around them. Nyotalia, Genderbend, Female AmericaxFemale Russia, RusAme Yuri/Lesbian, Modern A/U, Fluff
1. Chapter 1

**So I'm pretty much on the RusAme fanclub train now, I just really love this pairing**

**I've decided to try writing a long fic between these two now instead of just short one shots. It's set in a universe where they are humans instead of nations, and its Nyotalia since the female versions never really get much attention either.**

**I hope you like it and please follow, favourite and review**

Amelia yawned wearily, padding across the apartment hallway to the kitchen. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, trying to adapt to the bright and shiny world around her, she never had been a morning person. She really needed to stop playing video games so late at night when she had class. Her blonde waves were frizzier than usual, drool still dripping from her mouth a little. Her eyes blank and calm, sleep still lingering in her system. The urge to return to the warmth of her blanket fort was a great temptation.

She always knew in order to achieve her goals the road would never be easy, she would face all sorts of trials. Emotional, psychological and physical, pushing her limits and testing her self worth. But she had been chasing this dream since she was a little girl, and she would see it through to the end no matter what. Though she had to admit, the weird time schedule really didn't help, sometimes they were hella early, sometimes they were really late at night and sometimes they took place in the afternoon. This was one of the early days.

Her favourite superwoman pyjama hung loosely off one shoulder, flashing her collar bones. Her star covered matching shorts revealed her long creamy legs, her curvaceous yet slender figure on show. She needed coffee, badly. The trek to make a fresh brew every morning was so hard, especially when she hated to leave the warmth of her bed. Why did all of her classes have to start so damn early, the term bright eyed and bushy tailed was not a mantra that she could get on board with. She would never understand these perky morning birds who were so chirpy when it was still dark out. She had always wanted to be a police officer, to become a heroine of the people, fight crime and do what was right. But she hated the fact that in order to do so, she had to put sleep on the line. How was she supposed to function without sleep at all?

"Dobroye utro Amelia" a playfully sweet voice replied. She had appeared to finally be awake, she didn't know how her roommate could spend all her time sleeping. Did she have no desire to achieve her goals? Honestly, she really was a very lazy individual. She herself was more of an early bird, preferring to go to bed at a reasonable hour so she woke up at a decent time. Leaving her in a better mood than Amelia on a morning.

Amelia winced, a feeling of frustration, confusion and annoyance filling her body all at once. She sometimes regretted making Anya her roommate, but for more than one reason nowadays. Back in their years at high school, she and the Russian female had been rivals in every sense of the word. Who was better at sports, who had better grades (usually Anya), who was the prettiest etc. Stupid stuff like that. However, in recent years she had found herself crushing on her roommate/ on and off rival. Though she adamantly denied to anyone else that he feeling such emotions was out of the question. Her long silky ivory blonde hair, her piercing violet eyes, her slender yet curvaceous figure, her large shapely breasts. Her luminous pale skin that was always so perfect, Amelia questioned if she was even human. Anya was perfect, like a doll. But if not for her warped personality she would like her even more.

Amelia frowned, just when she thought her morning was going to a good start. However, Alice had always taught her, sometimes being sarcastic or painfully nice would scare people off. However, that was often hard to do "Morning" she mumbled sleepily. She couldn't remember the last time they went food shopping or whose turn it even was, so what she could have for breakfast was a complete mystery. Sometimes she just threw things together and called it food. She could cook, it depended on how motivated she was to go to all that trouble.

Anya was sat at the breakfast table, her usual sweet but terrifying smile on her face. A cup of steaming coffee in her hand adorned in a white sleeveless spaghetti strap nightgown. The nightgown was made of silk and reached her lower thigh, plain with no decoration. Even on a morning, she looked immaculate, no dark circles, no look of exhaustion, no messy bed hair, no bad mood. She was all chirpy and good spirited, in fact, how happy she was worried Amelia just a little.

Anya tilted her head curiously, the smile not wavering "You want coffee? It's fresh brewed" she asked in a cheery tone. Until she came to live with Amelia she had been a religious tea drinker, but after a while, she had come to love both beverages. She loved the soothing taste of tea that helped calm her when she was stressed, but she also loved coffee to give her a fast boost and all the styles it came in. The bitter taste of coffee and the fragrance of tea.

Amelia shifted, she was always a little sceptical of Anya due to the fact she played pranks so easily. However, instead of being funny they were often scary or traumatic. But she was in need of coffee to help get her ready for the day ahead, and it would be rude to say no. "Sure…" she trailed off. However, her gaze did not once avert from the russian female, making sure she didn't try anything funny with her coffee. I mean the tamest she would do was put salt in it, but sometimes she put frogs or bugs in her coffee.

Anya got to her feet, bouncing on the balls of her feet and humming a tune to herself. Today she felt very motivated, it was a lovely morning and she had her classes today. She hoped to see her friends and get closer to achieving her dreams. While Amelia wanted to become a police officer to follow her dream of being a heroine. Being able to save lives and protect the innocent from crime, much like the people she read about in comic books. She wondered if the blonde ever really took it seriously, given she tended to sleep in and sometimes doze off in the written part of her classes. Anya, on the other hand, wanted to become a doctor to help the sick. Being able to save lives too but in a different way, from disease and injury. Being able to change and preserve lives with medicine. However, her idols were mostly historical rather than fictional like her roommates were.

She poured a fresh cup of coffee into a mug for Amelia, to which the latter was now sat at the table in silence. Peering at Anya in confusion and hesitance, as it was not normal for Anya to be this nice. Unless they had a common goal or enemy that is. "You're awfully chipper this morning, did a person you hate suffer something traumatic?" Amelia asked suspiciously, her tone somewhat mocking. Anya was known for her childish cruelty and sometimes sadistic streak. This often came into play with people she didn't like or who wronged her. As a hero, Amelia made it her goal to try and prevent any of these antics from coming to pass.

Anya turned to face Amelia, a look of confusion on her face. A glint of hurt in her eyes as she heard these words being spoken. She was used to people being cruel to her, assuming her to be nothing more than a sadistic beauty, when in fact she was anything but. Yes, she liked to tease, play pranks on people and scare them sometimes. But she never wanted to hurt them, she never had that intention. She just wanted to fit in, she wanted to have friends. Amelia said cruel things to others sometimes and they laughed, when she did it however, it only further isolated her.

However, as to not give Amelia that satisfaction she simply sighed and forced one of her usual smiles on her face. Why did her roommate always have to think the worst of her? Like she had no soul and simply enjoyed to see other people suffering? Yet people never seemed to remember how badly they had once treated her too "Nyet, it is simply a beautiful day sunflower" she replied in a mocking tone. Knowing how much that name wound up Amelia. Because she felt like she was being made fun of.

Amelia shivered, she hated that name. She knew that Russia used it as a term of affection but to her, it just felt creepy. Like Anya was talking to her like a pet or something, it made her skin crawl. She decided trying to push Anya any further today would only make matters worse. She took the coffee from her roommate and started to down it, wanting to get out of here as soon as possible.

* * *

Amelia sped down the hallway to her class, trying to repress and vent any memories of her morning with Anya. Yet again she had been left with complicated emotions that only left her conflicted on their relationship as roommates and semi-rivals. Why did her roommate have to be so cute and yet so manipulative? She knew how to make people so what she wanted all while wearing a smile. But at the same time, had a sense of childish innocence that scared and confused the hell out of her. She would never admit the number of times she had thought about kissing Anya. That was a secret she would happily live with for the rest of her student years, maybe life. The thought of telling the Russian that she liked her, Anya would laugh and mock her for years to come.

Yes, Anya had a semi-warped personality that she really did hate. Pretty much the epitome of a love hate rivalry relationship which only made matters more complicated. However, a lot of times she had noticed that Anya was unaware of her cruel nature. Times when she simply wanted to join in her intimidating aura scared people off. When she tried to do something nice people believed she either had hidden motives or it was a prank. Honestly, it was hard to explain how she felt about Anya. She didn't completely trust her at times, but she couldn't bring herself to treat her badly.

Her strong love of children, as shown by how well she got along with her brothers said a lot. She was a medical student and that career could possibly lead to being a child doctor if she so chose to be. Her career had a million different paths in which her life could lead. But her jealousy and possessiveness of what she believed to be hers could be a little off-putting. It could range from objects to people to just about anything. Her childish cruelty often coming into play yet again. But she was naive to how these actions could be seen as bad, she just didn't like to share what she believed belonged to her. A heavy groan escaped her lips, she really knew how to pick them didn't she? She had always had a weakness for cute girls and charming boys. She had never thought she could come to develop a crush on a girl whom back in high school she hated more than vegetables.

"Ohayo Amelia-san" a familiar friendly voice called. She seemed to be in a bigger hurry this morning than usual, however, she had not slept in today as it was still early. But that was unusual for her given her nature as a night owl. Perhaps her roommate was having a good effect on her. Starting to become more organized and motivated with her schedule.

Amelia turned and softened, her good friend Sakura Honda approached from behind. She was a mutual friend via her adopted sister Alice whom she shared many hobbies with. Why couldn't Anya be as nice as her? She should really take some lessons. "Morning Sakura" she mumbled. It was nice to see a familiar face after this morning. She could still feel her skin crawling from that smile on her face. It was so sweet yet it carried the appearance that she was hiding something, up to no good.

Sakura blinked, Amelia was not in high spirits as she usually would be on a morning. Her enthusiastic energy and the positive mood were not as obvious which was a little confusing. She had gotten used to the hyperactive joy the American carried, but today it seemed a little less than usual. "Is something wrong Amelia-san?" she asked in a worried tone. As her friend, she would do her best to comfort her worries and bring her relief to whatever problems she had.

Amelia shifted, very few people knew of her intense crush on Anya. The only people to know so far was her sister Maddie, her adopted older sister Alice and Marie. But then she had grown up with them so they knew her all too well for her to keep secrets. Her face dusted light pink, she hated how easily Anya had crawled under her skin and affected her so easily. It was like she had cast a spell on her to make her feel this way, taking away any rational sense she had. But Sakura was a good friend, she would never tell anyone's secrets unless in their best interest. She had good morals and was a trustworthy person, she had respect for the wishes of other people. A good person through and through.

* * *

"So, Amelia-san. You carry romantic interest in Anya-san but are too afraid to confess your affections for her. Is that right?" Sakura replied casually. She had known of their attraction for some time, many people did. It was very obvious to sense the tension between the two of them. However, not many people interfered as Amelia hated to be teased and nobody wanted to get on the wrong side of Anya. Though a scary person, Anya had her good merits too. She was very well read and intelligent, she loved flowers and was very good with children. Though she was naïve and big-hearted, it was best to be cautious around her. In other words, she was like a child in a grown woman's body.

Amelia shifted, her face reddening. How she had fallen this far she had no idea, of all the people she could have fallen for it was her ex-high school rival. That sounded as pathetic as she felt. But she knew Japan would never tell a soul. It often scared her how mature Sakura was, carrying the intellect of someone beyond her years. No wonder so many people went to her for help and admired her so deeply. She was very reliable and seemingly always had an answer to whatever problem came her way, always remaining optimistic.

Sakura sighed, being a senior student and older than Amelia she knew a little bit more about relationships than her friend did. Love was indeed complicated, given the complex machine that was the human heart and brain. But, sometimes you had to take a risk when it came to love, because for some it made things more exciting to enter unknown territory. "I do understand your cautiousness. But wouldn't telling her, be better than affecting your mental health by repressing your emotions?" she suggested wearily. Her constant repression of her love and denial of her feelings would only make her feel worse.

"Yeah, that sounds like a foolproof plan. Go up to Anya with flowers, give some bold gesture. Hey Anya, I think you're a looker. Wanna hook up?" Amelia mocked in frustration. Anya would either think it was a joke and hate her. Or she would laugh at her, stamp on her still beating heart and reject her coldly, forever using it against her as a weapon. Then tell everyone she knew at how pathetic Amelia was for thinking she was good enough to even attempt to date her. She really knew how to pick them, didn't she? God, why could she never simply fall for the normal girls, always the unusual, scary or bad ones?

Anya was so complicated as a person telling her how she felt could only end badly. So silent pining, interior mental breakdowns and frustration seemed like such a better option. I mean people dealt with crushes for years, didn't they? She could totally live with this. She just had to deal with her emotions by eating ice cream, going on long runs, listening to angsty music and pining for her crushes affection and praying she paid attention to her or noticed her feelings.

Sakura laughed lightly, a look of discomfort on her face. Her dating approach somewhat differed from Amelia so she couldn't really comment. But she could give advice to a friend in need as best she could. "I think coffee sounds best, don't you agree?". Amelia loved coffee, it was one of her favourite beverages. Why not simply go with a more casual setting that would allow them to both relax and make conversation. It made matters less complicated and put less pressure on Amelia to make an impression on her crush.

Amelia hummed, she did love coffee and Anya liked fancy places. She knew a few good places and could at least make a move by paying for both of them. She may have been a student but she could at least afford coffee. They could get to know each other on a romantic basis there, being able to loosen up and feel comfortable with herself. "I guess" she mumbled, Anya was a very hard girl to please. If you overdid it, she thought you were trying to show her up, if you didn't put in enough effort you thought less of her.

Sakura couldn't help but smile, it was not often you saw the always confident and full of positivity Amelia acting so awkward and shy. She was a very attractive girl, given how popular she was with classmates. Seeing her so anxious was a rare thing to see. "Many of our classmates call you cute yes? I'm surprised you are putting yourself in such low spirits" she teased. Amelia had a very lean and slender figure, given her love of sports made up for the junk food she liked to eat. Many classmates wished for the figure that she carried. She was wearing a white O neck short-sleeved T-shirt, blue skinny jeans and red and white converse, along with her favourite bomber jacket. She already appeared down to earth and approachable. Her figure complimented by her choice in clothes. Dressing like herself and showing her openness as a human being.

Amelia scoffed, yes she was aware of how popular she was with other classmates. Though sadly some of them only wanted her for one thing, her body. "Yeah, but she's called the sadist angel for a reason y'know" she reminded her friend. She was infamous for the girls who had asked her out which either ended in rejection or a heartbreak after a short romance. Never being able to forget about the relationship they had with her, but depending on the girl it was either a positive or negative experience.

Sakura couldn't compare her love life to Amelia's, given she was in a happy romance with her best friends adopted sister. Alice treated her well, they respected each other and were very happy. What made her more grateful was the fact that her best friend helped them get together. Before their courtship which led to their happy relationship, they had been close friends with a lot of mutual interests. "Amelia-san, I cannot compare my love life to your own. But sometimes one must take a leap of faith, simply hoping that things fall into place".

Amelia sighed, she knew that Sakura was right but then again she was rarely if ever wrong. She was already one of the smartest girls in their college, it didn't take a genius to figure that out. But her intellect was not simply down to book smarts, she was knowledgeable in life as well. She had never once gotten bad advice from her on anything "Thanks, Sakura" she replied gratefully. She really did know how to ease her worries and bring back her confidence when she needed it most.

Sakura smiled, glad to see Amelia had regained her confidence again "The pleasure is mine Amelia-san. That is what friends are for isn't it?" she reminded the blonde. Though Amelia did tend to wear her out, cause problems and often scared her with her lack of self-awareness at times. She had a good heart and it showed in her actions. She was simply a lonely girl who sought the love of the girl she was carrying affections for.

Amelia got to her feet, she still had some time before class and she would just make it. But talking to her friend and venting these feelings out, it made her feel much better. Her mind now cleared and ready to take on the day without fear. She waved quickly to Sakura before hurrying off down the hall, Sakura was right. She couldn't look back and she had to take this chance.

* * *

Russia sat in silence under a tree, a book in her hand as she absentmindedly flipped the pages of a book as the flowers danced in the wind. She loved her moment of peace like this, being able to simply distance her mind from the world around her. She never had to worry about peace and quiet when she was alone. Most people were too scared to speak to her anyway, so she never had to worry about unwanted attention. As well as her love of flowers, she also carried a long term interest in fairy tales spanning from her childhood. Stories of dragons, princesses and happy endings, given her lack of joy in her real life. She could be anyone she wanted, imagining these characters as if they were her friend. She could simply sit here, people watching while her mind remained locked in the pages of a book. Watching the world go by, in her own company and listening to people go about their day.

Sometimes people found it worrying or scary how she related to the antihero or villain in a story. But in truth, it was because she understood their isolation, loneliness and backstories that caused them to become who they were. Hurt by the world around them that caused them to become bitter. She had spent a lot of her childhood being bullied or protected by her older brothers. Being treated like a delicate flower which later caused her to have outbursts and threaten people. Due to the fact the memories of the pain she held as a child came out and she lost control. She hated being called a monster, she hated being called a bully and she hated being feared. She was not a bad person, she never wanted to hurt anyone. All she wanted was to be loved, to have friends.

She had few friends who truly understood her, she dreamed of love but could never make someone stay with her. But her social anxiety and sometimes childish cruelty made it hard for her to ever connect with another person fully. Mainly due to a lot of misunderstandings, never truly able to explain her actions or true intentions, people always thinking the worst of her. She sometimes hated how popular her roommate was because it felt like she was mocking her. How loved and accepted she was by everyone despite how obnoxious she could be. Yet she tried to fit in and was usually just quiet, to which people tended to avoid her altogether.

"Goodness, out here all alone again. Did you and Amelia have a fight again?" a familiar English voice scolded. Just when she thought these two had finally buried the hatchet and decided to get along. It seemed after all these years later they hadn't learned a thing, they needed to put these petty arguments behind them and start to act more maturely. If they had problems, they needed to speak it out like adults and overcome this and see how they could change matters.

Anya blinked and looked up silently, standing nearby was Alice Kirkland. The adopted older sister of her roommate. At times she wondered how Alice had tolerated her growing up, given the pain in the ass she could be. "Hello Alice" she replied in a friendly manner. Among the many people who were not scared of her, Alice Kirkland was one of the few. Though wary around her, she carried no air of hostility and never once made fun or isolated herself from her. Much like her ex-girlfriend Yue, she saw her for who she truly was on the inside.

Alice approached, carrying a book under her arm. She had been researching magic and charms in the library, though it was hard to find something new given how many she had read so far. She, like Anya, was bullied for a great number of reasons. However, she at least had a few people who looked out for her and truly loved her. Something Anya was a little jealous of. "I know Amelia is not the easiest person to live with. But distancing yourself will not help the bond between you grow. Perhaps if you tried harder to talk it out…." she encouraged. They weren't in high school anymore, these two had shown signs of improvement yet still argued occasionally.

Anya smiled in amusement, it was saddening to know Amelia had not inherited this sense of maturity from her sister. She still had a lot of growing up to do, maybe one day she could be as smart and sensible as Alice. "Nyet Alice. Me and your sister have not argued today. Though I admit she is in an odd mood today" she explained calmly. She was glad someone around here could see that her roommate was not as perfect as people believed her to be. It was a rather delightful breath of fresh air.

Alice softened, relieved to know that Amelia had not upset Anya again. As malicious and intimidating as she appeared, she knew that Anya was not as wicked as people made her out to be. If anything, she was a little more complicated than that. Anya was a lonely if not somewhat misunderstood girl, due to her lack of awareness of her own actions. Whenever she got close to someone who understood her, she became possessive and jealous which tended to scare people off. She didn't mean to be creepy, she was just scared of being alone.

A heavy sigh escaped her lips, she knew Anya would simply continue to sit here by herself and disconnect from others. She would never make any friends if she continued to do so. She then approached Anya and took her hand gently "I'm having a little tea party with Marie, I always make far too much. I do believe sweets make one feel better when down" she explained. She couldn't watch Anya sit here all alone with her thoughts like this. It reminded her too much of her own childhood which deeply broke her heart.

Anya gave a confused look as she was pulled to her feet by the English girl. Being led away somewhere, she wasn't asking she was ordering. Though people believed Alice to be a pushover and weak, she had once been a punk and an ex delinquent, get on her bad side and these personalities came out. Alice was good at getting people to do what she wanted when she put in enough effort and attitude. But she admired that, her persuasiveness. The fact she knew how to get people to do what she wanted if she so wished.

* * *

Beads of sweat trickled down Amelia's face, her breathing heavy. Balancing on her feet and wiping her brow wearily, thank god for her stamina. She never would be able to continue training without it. The training helped work out her feelings and given her strong crush, she had a lot to vent. Alice had always said repressing your emotions was never a healthy thing to do, well now she had a way to work her feelings out and figure out her future at the same time.

"Gott verdammt Amelia, you've gotten stronger. I knew my awesome teaching would rub off eventually" Maria praised proudly. She had watched Amelia grow up from being a naïve girl to a blossoming young woman. Her training and tactics had helped her become even stronger and get closer to her goals. It was a proud day when your student started to show improvement and show how her lessons were rubbing off on them. But she had a long way to go before she overpowered her in terms of skill.

"Thanks, Maria" Amelia panted wearily, but her tone was happy. Maria was her senior in police training. She was older than her by a couple of years and a police trainee herself, but by a year. The two of them working towards becoming official officers. Though she hated to admit it, she had hoped that her goal would impress Anya just a little. Yet she simply ignored her and acted like she was doing this for attention, despite it being her dream for many years. She really hated how cruel Anya could be at times because she never seemed to realize how her words cut deep. Surely as a loner, she knew how painful it was when people said cruel words about you.

Maria smiled mischievously as Amelia wiped her face with a towel. She seemed more motivated than usual, something was on her mind for sure. And being the awesome classmate that she was, she would support her friend with whatever was bothering her. "You have a cute guy on your mind? Or perhaps some cute babe?" she teased. She was well aware of Amelia's bisexuality, she had twice as many people to love which she found awesome. If anyone gave her harassment for being Bi, she would put them in their place without hesitation whatsoever.

Amelia stiffened, her body turning like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming truck. As dense and cocky as she could be sometimes, Maria was no fool. She could be very perceptive when she wanted to be. Hiding her face in her towel, desperate not to be seen blushing like a schoolgirl. "Y.. Yeah" she mumbled into the towel, she had really hoped to wait to tell her. But you couldn't keep anything from Maria, she found out everyone's secrets somehow.

The German woman's face lit up brightly, a look of hyperactive happiness spreading across her face. Nearly jumping up and down on the spot like a child who was going to disneyland. "I knew it! Finally, you found yourself an awesome person! Tell me who it is, besties tell each other everything" Maria gloated happily. She rushed up to Amelia, hugging her happily. Winding her arm around her shoulder and ruffling her hair affectionately. She thought Amelia would be single forever. It took her long enough to meet someone.

Amelia shifted and blushed, feeling as awkward as ever. She knew that Maria and Anya had history, the two were once upon a time involved during their time in high school. Making her feel intimidated in their history together like she wouldn't be good enough. "I… It's my roommate. Anya… Anya Braginskaya" she stammered bashfully. There was a long silence in the room, so echoing you could hear a pin drop in the background. The sound of Maria's teasing laughter now disappeared in an instant. Only making the situation even more uncomfortable, the tension in the air rising.

Maria's mischievous smile became serious, her eyes hard. Conflict arising in her body, she was very fond of Amelia like a little sister. Causing her to worry about whom she had fallen in love with. At one point she was involved with Anya, more of a friends with benefit's situation. She never held any romantic feelings for Anya, neither did the latter for her. They were both lonely, she was in love with Daniel and Anya was simply desperate for affection. They later broke up as it wasn't doing either of them any favours or making them happy. Anya was, of course, angry with her, but more so because she wanted Prussia to love her which she never would. Causing a lot of tension when they eventually ended their relationship, to which they didn't speak to each other for a long time. They were now on better terms but she knew Anya would never forgive her.

Maria sighed, removing her arm from Amelia's shoulders "Ja, that would make sense. You've always had a type, the cute ones" she muttered her tone mocking amusement. She just hoped that Amelia knew what she was getting herself into. She then turned to Amelia with a serious face, no sense of humour in her tone or eyes. "That girl, I don't have to tell you she has issues. Many are not of her own fault, she had a difficult childhood which I sure as hell didn't help with. But more so, she's a lonely person. All she ever wanted from anyone as a kid was love".

Amelia's expression became worried and guilty, she knew Maria regretted what she had done in the past. She had a connection to Anya a long time ago before eventually dating her childhood crush Daniel. She had used Anya to fill a hole and eventually broke up their relationship put of self-hatred. Never expecting Anya to fall in love with her. She knew Anya was now over her, but bitter that she had never once been truly loved by Maria. That was a feeling she would never get over.

Maria folded her arms, an adult air flowing around her. Showing the maturity she kept repressed inside of her, held up by the facade of immaturity that she showed to everyone else. "Don't break her heart Amelia, but then again she may do the same back to you. Approach her like the heroine you are, but don't get too carried away is all" Maria warned. Anya was not an easy person to love, despite the craving for affection she carried. Anyone who got close to her knew that, because once she trusted you, she showed everything, it was just whether or not you could handle it.

Amelia nodded bravely, pretty much what Maria was telling her was not to fuck up as she had. Anya didn't easily forgive those who broke her heart, she either cut them off completely or she made their life a living hell. The few who ended things well, she looked at them as close friends "Thanks Maria". She knew she was looking out for her, Maria had always been like a big sister to her which she appreciated her. In fact she had been one of her inspirations for wanting to become a police officer, to be as cool and confident as she was.

Maria's expression turned back to her usual goofy smile "Now run along heroine. You're stinking up the place" she teased in amusement. Though she really hoped that time wouldn't repeat itself and their relationship work this time, instead of how much she fucked up. She would watch from afar and give advice where she could, but this was mostly a journey Amelia had to experience herself.

* * *

Anya, Alice and Marie sat together in silence a peaceful yet awkward ambience in the air. A freshly brewed pot of tea on the table, as well as a bounty of freshly baked goods made by Alice and Marie respectively. Given they liked to outdo one another, due to a deep seeded rivalry that started during their childhood. Despite their rivalry, there had always been a strong sexual and romantic tension between the two of them.

Marie had been crushing on Alice since they were kids, but never truly confessed her love to Alice. Instead, she used playground teasing in order to get her to notice her. Causing her grief when Alice ended up in a relationship with someone else, her heart broken. However, being the big sister nation that she was. She praised the happiness between Alice and Sakura, seeing how happy the Asian nation made the English girl. Never involving herself and instead, protecting them from anyone who would attempt to come between them.

Marie sipped her tea, a weary expression on her face "Mon Dieu, I really don't know how you put up with her antics Anya. That girl always has been a handful" she grumbled. Though she had a good heart deep down, she was often clueless, overthought situations and bad at communication when it came to romance. She still had such a long way to go before she became a proper young lady, perhaps she had been too spoiled growing up, she and Alice had doted on her quite a bit as a child.

Alice frowned, Amelia had always hated patronizing. They both used to give her a hard time growing up, but she had tried to wean off in recent years. But Marie was still rather bad for this. "I could say the same about our bloody friendship, Amelia isn't a bad girl. I'd say Madeline is certainly the most mature. But she still has a lot to learn, especially about love" she argued defiantly. Making mistakes and learning from them was part of growing up, Amelia was just taking her time to learn all of this.

"Which I could give her advice on" Marie grumbled. She was openly bisexual much like Amelia was, however, she was more efficient as a lover. She knew how to treat a woman well and she knew how to act like the perfect lady when dating men. If anything she was infamous for being a heartbreaker. But she never intentionally hurt people, she simply knew about the ups and downs of love. If only Amelia would come to her for help, she would teach her everything she knew.

Anya shifted, she had never really gotten on well with Marie. Though she was mature at times and called herself the big sister of the nations. She was often patronizing, a show-off and loved to tease other nations. Tending to act like her culture and style was better than everyone else. She was glad Alice had asked her to tea, knowing it had been a gesture of genuine kindness. However, she often found herself either overwhelmed by France or found her to be annoying. But her more common emotion was neutral, she had never really been bothered by the French woman in general.

"Amelia is a very confident person, she is well loved and popular. I guess what I don't like about her is how she has never had to work for the attention she gets. But what I find endearing is that she only ever breaks her façade around me, she shows her awkwardness, competitive side and embarrassment more around me" she admitted. Amelia always showed a smile and friendliness towards other people, a beaming ball of sunshine that never faltered. However, around her, she was more competitive, stubborn and often awkward or easily embarrassed. Something she never seemed to understand.

Marie smirked in amusement, sipping her tea silently while trying to restrain the laughter in her throat. Poor Anya was so naïve, she had no idea that sweet Amelia was crushing so hard on her it was painful. If only she could realize the feelings her roommate had for her. Though she knew it would annoy Alice and Amelia if she interfered, she doubted Anya would end up with her crush otherwise, desperate measures had to be taken sometimes after all. They would continue bouncing back and forth if not.

Alice tried to control the laughter that wanted to escape her lips, to shake Anya over the table and explain her adopted sister was in love with her. But it was not her place to interfere, so she could only give advice. She would have to keep an eye on Marie so she didn't do so, she had a bad habit of interfering when she shouldn't. "Amelia is an awkward girl, she's certainly come a long way. You becoming her roommate has certainly helped her mellow out. But you could both do with communicating better with each other. Especially if you want your relationship to grow".

Anya stared into her teacup, she always tried to communicate with Amelia. She was socially awkward and found Amelia hard to understand but she tried. All she wanted was to make friends and for people to understand she was not the cruel person they believed her to be. She always heard the whispers and rumours that people said about her, she always saw the looks of fear people gave her even when they tried to hide it. She knew that many people were only friends with her because of the benefits that came with it. Causing her to feel even more isolated and lonely than she had been as a child. Very few people were truly a friend to her, her brothers, Alice, her ex-lover Yue and now America had truly opened up to her. Making her grateful to the fact these people had shown her kindness and knew better than to think of her as a bad person. "I just wish she was more honest, it's hard to tell what she is thinking sometimes".

"Maybe you should take the first step mon Cher, you are far more mature than our little Amelia" Marie encouraged. There was only a year age difference between them, but the maturity between them was very prominent. They were complete opposites, but then that would only make them more compatible. Alice nodded in agreement, she may not have been good with people. But Anya needed to look inside of herself and find great courage if she wanted to make things work between her and Amelia. Maybe she could try using her feminine charms and seduction to make a better impression on the younger girl.

Anya felt a little better, glad she had accepted Alice's offer for tea. She was one of the few people she felt calm around. Being able to vent her feelings and understand Amelia from the people who knew her best changed her perspective, perhaps Amelia was scared but for a different reason. She was scared that she wouldn't love her. "Spasibo Alice" she muttered gratefully. If she had not accepted her kind gesture she never would be able to figure out the confused emotions that lay within her. She would have to follow her instinct, attempt to read Amelia's body language a little better. Trying to push her insecurities to try and get out of her comfort zone to try to seduce the American. At least she knew who to go to when she needed to talk.

* * *

Anya headed back to her apartment in silence, she remembered that Amelia had a love of horror movies and they had no classes tomorrow. Though she found many of the movies Amelia liked to be boring, she knew of a few good movies she found entertaining. She had never really been a fan of the movies from Amelia's nation, they were either too cheesy or not really scary in her opinion. But she knew that Amelia enjoyed them which is what mattered here. She had done some research on movies that Amelia would like, found the number for a good take away and some snacks and beverages. So they would be prepared for all the things that Amelia liked, which she knew would make her happy. However, after watching Amelia for long periods of time she knew a few things would happen tonight.

Unlike her male counterpart, Amelia was not scared of horror movies. She could sit through them completely unfazed, fascinated and sometimes appeared bored. However, her weakness was gore movies, often leaving her sick or squeamish if they were too graphic. She had borrowed some horror movies from Japan and a few others, the gory kind. Knowing that Amelia would be scared to death of these movies, hopefully causing the space between them to close. If Amelia ended up hugging her all night it would truly be a dream.

"Anya?" a familiar voice called out. She was in a happier mood than before, which really did make her skin crawl. She got the feeling that something had happened but she didn't know what. But she sensed no malice or wicked intentions from her which was a relief. Honestly, aside from flowers she had no idea of what subjects or hobbies even brought Anya joy, she never really spoke about her personal interests much with anyone. Always carrying an air of mystery about her.

Anya turned, a curious look on her face. A smile spread across her face when she saw Amelia standing opposite her, sweaty and tired from her training. "Privet Amelia" she greeted warmly. She wondered how her training was today, she needed a shower she knew that much. But it seemed it had done her the good of working out her previous passive aggressive mood from this morning. She did enjoy it when Amelia didn't tease her so, if only she could be genuinely nice.

"You look like you've been busy" Amelia replied trying to hide her annoyance. She wondered if she had found a new interest or perhaps a girl had confessed to her. Honestly, it was hard to tell with Anya most days, she knew how to keep her secrets hidden. She rarely wanted to spend time with her which hurt a lot, wondering what Anya hated so much about her.

"Da, I am having a movie night" Anya explained. She knew that Amelia would expect Maria, Yue, her brothers and Amelia. However, she instead meant between the two of them alone. She loved to see the look of awkward realization on Amelia's face, it was rather endearing. Amelia tried not to look jealous, if Anya had a date she would spend the night out of the apartment and try to find a distraction. She often believed Anya was playing games with her and knew of her romantic feelings. Like a child burning ants under a magnifying glass.

"I believe you like horror movies, could you give some good suggestions" Anya teased. Hopefully they would actually watch some films instead of simply spending more time browsing and bored. Amelia did have a bad habit of doing this which annoyed a few people. She wanted to have an evening to actually bond with Amelia and hopefully grow closer to her, though she didn't know if anything would happen between them tonight.

Amelia blinked, rather surprised at her answer while Anya simply continued to smile. As the realization started to hit her, her eyes widened and her face began to turn bright red. Her voice no longer able to escape her lips, shock starting to kick in. Anya was organizing a Netflix and chill, she had experienced casual hook ups before but this was her first serious date. The girl she liked, her roommate had planned a date. Here she had hoped to make a move but now her crush was being the bold one. This was happening so fast. God, was she planning to have sex? Was she planning to have a hookup? Was this a joke? Was she serious? Oh my god her head was a mess, she was scared, happy and excited all at the same time. She thanked whatever gods had been listening to her prayers. "Yes!" Yes I can do that" she babbled awkwardly realizing how loud her voice was. She looked like a moron but she couldn't let this chance pass. She had to seize this moment while she could. She thanked Maria for the advice earlier, it seemed it was working in her favour.

**Dobroye utro-Good morning**

**Sestra-Sister**

**Gott verdammt-God damn**

**Mon cher-My dear**


	2. C2: Pretty girl

**Amelia becomes distracted during the movie, leaving some misunderstandings, but Anya is desperate to bond with Amelia and the latter won't give up on her crush. Awkward feels and maybe relatable with the word vomit**

**I hope you like the new chapter and please review**

Amelia sat curled up on the sofa, gripping a sofa pillow tightly to her chest like a lifeline. Not that she was scared, she loved horror movies. They were like her lifeblood, no she had this pillow to vent her frustrations about the woman she was not attracted to sitting next to her. She had changed into her favourite superwoman T-shirt and matching blue PJ shorts printed with stars. Somehow the room had become warmer than she remembered it previously being so. Becoming smaller and a tension filling the air, wondering if this had been a good idea, to begin with. God, she wanted to scream her lungs out with frustration. Why couldn't things just be more simple? Why couldn't Anya just read her damn mind?

Why did she have to play this endless game of clues and hints in hopes of Anya recognising she was in love with her, homo intended damn it. Though she had previous crushes and brief relationships before, puppy love so to speak. She had never had such intense feelings for anyone before, she couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't dream without Anya passing through her mind. She found herself feeling jealous when someone even mentioned the idea of Anya having a lover, someone else liking her or picturing her kissing someone else. She just wanted it to be over and everything to be out in the open.

Unable to make a decision, they chose a movie at random that neither of them had seen. It saved arguments and there would be no spoilers about the movie that Amelia would know of. Meaning it would be a surprise for both of them. Given Anya was not the kind of person who showed emotions easily, Amelia had chosen something with jump scares and gore in hopes of getting a rise out of Anya. Given aside from that scary smile she was known for, Anya often wore a poker face, making her harder to read. Though she had come to bond with Anya and become comfortable around her. This was the reason why she was unable to understand Anya's feelings, whether or not she was even into girls and if there was any hope of her becoming her future girlfriend. Leaving her to watch Anya like a hawk in hopes of getting a sign of some kind.

She probably looked like a weirdo, constantly staring at her roommate like a predator stalking its prey. But she just couldn't help herself, constantly overthinking about what was on her crushes mind only made her more curious. She wanted to ask Anya if she had a crush on anyone, but she couldn't seem to get the words out. Instead, just watching her movements. However, aside from a look of surprise and eating snacks, Anya hadn't reacted much at all. But she was invested in the film, her eyes glued to the screen and not a word escaped her lips. So the movie night had been a good idea after all. She was the epitome of unpredictable, aside from some eyebrow raises and hums, she hadn't spoken a word since the movie started.

Amelia couldn't help but pout, this had been Anya's idea in the first place so why did she look so damn bored? I mean they were roommates so why was she surprised? But if they couldn't have some discussion to break the tension, she would go mad. Anything to distract her would be great, hell a sudden jumpscare, a phone call or a knock at the door. So long as it meant it could tear her attention away from Anya's lips and those slender fingers of hers. She was jealous of a bowl of popcorn, she had really hit her lowest point. She was never usually this petty, yet she found herself in this situation. She was just so desperate to be able to date Anya, to be able to show her feelings and feel comfortable at last instead of being constantly on edge.

She wanted to love openly, show she was happy and had a girlfriend, simply able to go about her life and breathe easier. She had always known about her attraction to both genders, hell she was proud of that fact. But why of all girls did she get a crush on Anya? She should have hated the girl, hell they were rivals. So why did she turn into a bubble brain whenever she so much as looked at her? She knew her classmate Monika had her pervy interests, could it be she was becoming one of those masochists? God she hoped not, she felt strange enough already. It was like Anya cast some kind of spell on her that turned her brain to mush whenever she was in her presence. Her outgoing confidence vanished in a flash, reducing her to a confused, embarrassed and awkward mess. But she couldn't go on like this forever. She had to tell her someday before Anya slipped through her fingers.

However, her internal debate had become obvious to her crush. "Are you hungry Amelia? Do you want some popcorn?" Anya asked casually, her gaze briefly averting from the TV towards Amelia. Gesturing at her with the bowl of popcorn politely. She had been staring at her for some time now, could it be she was getting hungry? They hadn't really made any dinner before this and she was planning on ordering some food or eating leftovers soon enough. They could not be fulfilled on popcorn alone as delicious as it was. It was not nutritional nor was it filling, they would need a meal of some kind after this.

She didn't really enjoy conversation during movies as it deviated from the plot. But she couldn't ignore that something was wrong with her roommate. I mean, Amelia had always been somewhat of a strange girl, Alice and Marie's influence hadn't helped in that area. She wasn't naïve to the fact that Amelia was acting strange even for her. Though she at first ignored it, thinking that Amelia must have simply being going through a rough patch and gave her personal space, lately she didn't seem to recover and it was worrying her. She wondered if Amelia was also being bullied now, much like she had in the past.

Thank god it was dark because Amelia's face darkened so red she could have been a strawberry. She gripped the pillow tighter and adamantly looked away in shame, suddenly she wasn't so hungry anymore. "N… No, I'll get food later" she mumbled awkwardly. She was too anxious to eat. She felt like her stomach was in knots, her body trembling ever so. Hell, if she did end up eating she would panic eat. Making an ass of herself and only making herself feel bad. She would rather eat in a calmer state of mind when she could control herself somewhat. She could certainly do with some comfort food, that always made her feel better about everything.

Anya blinked, chewing the popcorn in silence, enjoying the familiar buttery infused taste of toffee and sugar on her tongue. It seemed her attempt at an ice breaker had failed miserably, disappointing her greatly. She had hoped watching a movie Amelia enjoyed would bring them closer. Yet she sensed a wall between them, wondering what could be bothering the American. But she knew she would never get it out of Amelia right now, besides she was enjoying the movie. They would be able to talk about this later on.

* * *

"That was pleasantly enjoyable, for a movie with so much blood and bad decisions. The plot was surprisingly good" Anya replied casually. Usually, she didn't enjoy horror movies due to the plot being cheesy, sub-par acting and the same dumb plot that was becoming too similar. She got to her feet slowly, taking the empty bowl to be washed in the sink. She knew Amelia wouldn't do the dishes tonight, she would be too jumpy from the horror movie. She had picked up on the fact that with certain movies, though she tried to hide it. In fact affected Amelia more than she let on, horror movies in particular. She wondered if the latter would sleep at all tonight. Though most people saw her as a monster, she was, in fact, more caring than people realized. Given she tended to babysit Amelia nowadays.

"Y… yeah, good choice huh?" Amelia babbled nervously. Truth be told she hadn't been paying much attention to the movie. She would have to rewatch it again by herself. She had been too distracted by how much she wanted to kiss Anya. She released her death grip on the pillow and tossed it back on the sofa. She needed a glass of water, hell she needed a night walk. Anything to distract herself from the fact she had Anya on the brain. She couldn't be more obvious that something was on her mind. She had no classes tomorrow, meaning she could sleep in and get up at her own time. Maybe go and spend time with her sister or Sakura, just a familiar face to help her vent about her feelings. She needed to relax or get out of her own head a while, she would only continue to stress herself out the way things were now.

"Amelia…" Anya asked abruptly, her tone serious. She peered at Amelia from the corner of her eye. A look of coldness and suspicion in her eyes, she knew something was on her mind and being roommates they could not keep it a secret for long. She had been attempting to bond with Amelia and she didn't appreciate her still keeping secrets. She admitted she wasn't the easiest person to get along with, she had never really had friends before. Her possessiveness of those closest to her was due to the fact she was terrified of being left alone, bullying as a child shattering her self confidence. But she found herself truly comfortable around Amelia.

Amelia felt a shiver of panic run down her spine like ice. She knew that tone all too well, she had heard it many times before back in high school. This was Anya's, don't mess with me tone. The serious voice, scary Anya. The persona that made her infamously intimidating among other classmates. She turned to Anya nervously, trying to force herself to smile. Acting like she wasn't a deer in headlights. "Y… Yeah?" she stammered. She worried that she and Anya would have a fight, she hated it when Anya avoided her or was hurt due to misunderstandings. The bridge she had built to bring them closer would shatter and she would have to build it all over again. Despite all the people that admired her, she wasn't as perfect as people made her out to be.

"You were staring at me an awful lot during the movie. If you didn't want to watch it, you could have told me" she replied casually. She thought Amelia enjoyed such movies, if she wasn't in the mood, she should have told her. She wouldn't force Amelia to do something she didn't want to, only to appease herself. Growing up she hadn't really had female friends, due to growing up with two brothers. Even now she found it hard to connect to women, due to the fact she was more comfortable around tomboys or men, as it was more familiar to her. But she felt like she was breaking out of that shell, all thanks to Amelia's positive influence.

Yep, panic mode set to high. Like hell, she was going to tell Anya "_Yeah, I think you're the cutest girl I've ever met which is bad because I'm supposed to hate you. It's not like I want to kiss you until you pass out". _Yeah, real smooth and not at all weird, hell she didn't even know if Anya liked her back. "I… well, popcorn is greasy as hell, right? So… I think you got shiny lips. It was kind of funny" Amelia babbled. It was a quick save but it was all she could come up with. Usually, she loved snacks at a movie, she would wolf them down in a heartbeat. But she had been so distracted and anxious that she lost her appetite completely.

She could keep playing these excuses as long as possible until her confidence allowed her to finally speak the truth. She would never allow someone else to take Anya, she was crazy about her. Yes, she was scared to tell her how she felt but wasn't everyone when it came to their crush? She waited in patience, hoping that Anya bought her lie. Hell, it was far too awkward to explain that she was crushing on her severely. What if Anya didn't even like girls or laughed at her? She couldn't bear the thought of that happening. She had nightmares about being mocked, laughed at, rejected or even learning Anya liked someone else. These fears plagued her daily, eating away at the back of her mind. Keeping her from confessing, lingering in worry and loving her in secret.

Anya stared at her in surprise, before a light blush dusted across her cheeks. She touched her lips with a wet soapy hand bashfully, averting her gaze. Amelia was making fun of her? I mean, microwave popcorn came with butter didn't it? She averted her gaze, looking away from Amelia. Though she had been sure Amelia had been blushing, perhaps she was mistaken. She really thought that maybe, she had wanted to… kiss? "Da… that makes sense. I shall wash up before bed" she mumbled quietly. Why was she so hurt that Amelia hadn't wanted to kiss her too? I mean, Amelia was known for making jokes anyway. She had been teased by her before, but why now did she want to cry? Why did she feel so angry?

Amelia felt a sense of guilt wash over her, why did Anya sound so hurt? I mean, they were rivals on top of roommates. Joking, teasing and occasionally pranking one another was a common thing. She could have sworn Anya had looked hopeful. "Well, goodnight" she coughed awkwardly, escaping the tension for the safety of the bathroom. Hoping to get away from this, not wanting to talk about it a second longer. She couldn't get her hopes up too soon, she couldn't assume that Anya felt the same way yet, it was too soon for that. This wasn't some stupid romantic comedy for crying out loud.

* * *

Amelia leaned against the bathroom door, chewing her lip nervously. Her face bright red, that was too close for comfort. She had nearly been caught out, she had to be more careful. But yes, Anya had been right she had been staring at her like she wanted to eat her face. She needed to be more subtle about her feelings to ease Anya into getting a hint. If she blew it, there would be no going back. Given they lived together already, avoiding one another would be incredibly difficult in a worst-case scenario. But holding back was becoming harder with each passing day. She wanted to kiss Anya so badly until she passed out or went weak in the knees. She was so cute that she couldn't stand it. She had been crushing on the Russian girl for so long she swore she was going crazy.

Yes, Anya could be childish, sometimes selfish and clingy towards those she believed were her friends. But she was also desperately lonely, seeking affection like a moth to the flame and just needed companionship. Hell, Amelia was the only person who tolerated her and actually hung out with her. Anya had never been able to keep a relationship due to her protective brothers and how her personality sometimes scared people off. But Amelia had fallen for her hard, she was just too perfect. She teased her yes, but never maliciously. Because she knew Amelia would always take the bate and react, never malicious just playful. She made sure Amelia got snacks when hangry so she wouldn't make a scene. She just took care of Amelia in general which she appreciated, as Anya was not obligated to do so.

It was clear she had a maternal side, she was gentle and maternal with her brothers. Showing a caring side she didn't often reveal to others, showing how kind she could be. The only reason she was so warped was due to the trauma and bullying she endured as a kid. Sadly, she had heard about people in the past asking Anya out on a date as a joke, then telling everyone about it, leaving Anya to keep her distance. The only reason people stopped doing so was that her brother Nikolai threatened the bullies of what would happen if they hurt his sister again. But the past actions had left Anya jaded of people's intentions and interest in her.

But she didn't know if Anya was just playing with her and manipulating her to get a rise. Like poking a cat until they lashed out and scratched, which would end with a bored Anya finding her new entertainment. Or if she was genuinely serious about her interest in Amelia, meaning she had a chance. "Damn it" she growled in frustration. Cupping her face with her hands and groaning under her breath. She had hoped just to have a casual evening of jokes and enjoying movies. Now she was just crushing harder and even more confused.

* * *

Anya stared at the soapy water in the sink silently, a heavy sigh escaping her lips. Feeling her hands starting to prune within the water, but she paid no mind to it. Wondering if this had been a good idea. Seeing that Amelia had quickly made her escape once the movie was over. Maybe she should learn from men's flirtation techniques, placing an arm over the sofa casually, moving closer to Amelia in a faked attempt to become more comfortable, something that would bring them into a moment together. I mean she had to try something.

Many people made approaching their crush much easier than it was in real life, less pressure, less anxiety and neve the potential of failure. She didn't quite understand a lot of Amelia's hobbies or interests. She was very different to herself and much more outgoing, truth be told she was jealous of the outgoing nature of Amelia. Wishing she could be as confident as her roommate. She hated unwanted attention or awkward tension, always trying to find a way to divert it. But Amelia always found a way out of it or to turn the situation around, she could not say the same for herself. But she was trying to move past her insecurities and trust Amelia, to seduce her on her own terms. To let her know how she felt.

She had hoped a movie night would help bring them closer, the movie had indeed been fun but she didn't think she would be eating much popcorn again in the future. But instead, it had ended with Amelia keeping her distance and escaping to her room as soon as it was over. Meaning the plan had backfired completely, but she didn't know what had gone wrong. She sighed sadly, gripping her hands under the water tightly. Wishing Amelia would talk to her, hoping to fix whatever had made her so unhappy. Instead, she just ran away all over again.

She hated this wall between her and Amelia, admittedly the American could be somewhat annoying at times. But over time she had seen the side of Amelia that she tried so desperately to hide from others to prevent them from seeing the insecurities she pretended didn't exist. She was desperate for acceptance and recognition from others, panicking that if she wasn't admired or made a good impression she would be left alone. Yes, everyone knew the proud bisexual, body-positive sporty tomboy that was popular with nearly all of her classmates. Little did they know, she secretly carried a sense of self-consciousness and insecurity, constantly worrying what impression she gave to others. Worrying that half of the people she became attracted to or approached her only wanted her for sex.

Anya was secretly happy, to have someone who knew what it was like to have demons. To feel like an outsider, to be able to have someone who wasn't afraid of her. But lately, it seemed like the closer she tried to break down the wall, Amelia kept putting them back up again. Anya growled under her breath in frustration, gripping her hands into fists, able to feel the slowly pruning skin forming. She wasn't going to give up damn it, she would get Amelia to open up. One way or another.

* * *

"_So, after putting up the effort to get close to Anya using movies. You ran away like you always do?" _Maddie's voice replied bluntly down the phone. Honestly, she was never going to get with her crush if she didn't make a move. Yes, she knew about the crippling self doubt that came with falling for someone, but she had to take the leap. Yes it could go either really badly or be a success, but at least she could say she had tried, which was better than nothing. She could take pride in that at least.

Amelia pouted, she could practically feel Maddie's judgmental stare burning her through the phone. Though she was known for her sweet nature, Maddie could in fact sometimes be quite blunt and passive-aggressive sometimes. Though she rarely showed people this side of herself. "I… It's not like I planned to. I… things…. It got awkward ok?!" Amelia babbled in frustration. She had been desperate to jump across the couch and smother Anya in kisses. But what if she pushed her away, what if she looked like a creep or something like that. She didn't want to mess things up. She wanted to go at her own pace, even though it was becoming more frustrating by the day.

Maddie sighed wearily, it was late. She had heard this scenario many times before, Amelia panicking and freaking out about her crush, then having to calm her down again. Before Amelia tried at another attempt only to fail again because instead of trying a simple approach, she went all out and pressured herself. She knew Amelia was crushing hard on Anya, anyone could see that. Hell sometimes people teased the idea but the way things stood they would never end up a couple. Amelia was too awkward and tended to say the wrong thing, and Anya appeared to grow frustrated at Amelia's attitude and fickle nature. She herself was currently dating Lovina, Feliciana's older sister. They had met through a mutual art class the two of them were taking. After offering to buy her some coffee, the two had started to make it a regular thing. Lovina asking Maddie out for coffee and Maddie offering to buy her breakfast, before long they were together.

She wanted more than anything for her older sister to find happiness too, she deserved to find someone. She had been admittedly surprised to learn that Amelia liked Anya, given their reputation in high school, but people changed, feelings changed. Life was funny like that, unpredictable and strange, but you went along for the ride. Amelia's lack of trying to think outside the box wasn't helping, she often laughed at how clueless her sister could be, wondering which parent they inherited it from. "_Well, you at least tried with the movies. But… Amelia. Don't you think a more casual or even simple approach would be better? I know you want to impress her, but… putting pressure on yourself hasn't worked so far" _Maddie reminded her. Anya was obviously politer and even acting nicer towards Amelia since becoming her roommate. Though they still had tension, their previous hostility had worn down since. But they still had the invisible wall due to lack of communication and Amelia too awkward to make an approach.

Amelia grumbled under her breath, knowing Maddie was right as always. Hell, how come she was so smooth at flirting when she couldn't make out a sentence without looking like a moron? She hadn't inherited France's charisma to woo the pants off anyone she met. She then heard the door open on the other end of the phone, some Italian cursing and the door close abruptly. It seemed Lovina had returned home, though she would soon cool off steam once she got cuddles from Maddie. She was pretty much the epitome of a teddy bear. "Lovina home?" Amelia replied impatiently. If Lovina simply wanted a bath or a shower, they could talk longer. But if they were going to cuddle or more, she would have to hang up and give them privacy.

"_Yeah, she's got a big project coming up and it's been hard on her. She's not gotten much sleep lately either" _Maddie explained. Being an art student really was taking a toll on Lovina, but she worked hard and earned her grades which she should be proud of. She was becoming stressed and judging herself harder than usual, which upset Maddie. She was exceptionally talented and needed to stop comparing herself to Feliciana and others, she was her own worst enemy when it came to self critique.

Amelia felt a sense of guilt and worry, she herself was training to be a police officer. She had idolized heroes her entire life and being an officer she could take down the bad guys. But being an art student was no walk in the park, it was an incredibly stressful experience. "I can leave, I expect she's going to need a hefty dose of Maddie love to feel better" she joked.

"_Is that American calling you about her lack of a love life again?" _Lovina's annoyed tone came from the background. God, why didn't she just tell Anya how she felt already? Amelia heard Maddie snort in amusement but muffled her mouth. She knew she was teasing her but not out of malice, to be honest, she had long since admitted her love life was a joke. But she was still mad about it though.

"_I made apple fritters" _Maddie replied fondly knowing her lover would be hungry. Homemade with cinnamon, sugar and caramel. It would perk her up immediately with coffee. There came an orgasmic sounding moan of delight from the background, then Lovina muttering something in Italian but in a positive tone. Probably about how much she loved Maddie and how she was going to marry her one day.

"I best go, but thanks for listening to me" Amelia replied gratefully. She would have to get some of those fritters from Maddie though, they were damn near delicious and she wasn't going to let Lovina eat them all again. She wanted some too. Sweet things always made her feel better when she was down, or should she say, home cooked food always made her feel better.

"_Bye Amelia" _Maddie replied before hanging up the phone.

Amelia gripped her mobile tightly in her hand, feeling a little better for ranting but still annoyed. Somehow she knew that Maddie was right, she needed to try harder but be subtle. She did have a tendency to go in over her head when it came to impressing people. She just wanted to spend time with Anya, to let her know how she felt. To try testing the waters to see if she liked her too, before getting her heart broken before moving too fast. All these romance movies making it look so damn easy were not realistic at all. She kept spouting endless word vomit while feeling as though she was on a stage about to give the worlds worst speech. Nobody got with their crush that easily, it just wasn't realistic at all.

Suddenly there was a knock on her bedroom door making her jump out of her skin. She had tried to be quiet as to not draw attention to herself. Had she unknowingly raised her voice? God, this had to be the worst evening of her life so far. She took a deep breath and got to her feet, wondering if Anya was still worried about her fast escape. Hoping she hadn't unintentionally hurt her feelings.

She opened the door to of course find Anya standing there. She looked so angelic it wasn't fair, why did her crush have to be so perfect? It wasn't making things any easier. She was wearing a white sleeveless blouse shirt, only making her sizeable bust more prominent. Her long platinum blonde hair falling down her back like snow. A black lower calf-length skirt to match with her translucent black tights. She was so ladylike compared to herself, always looking her best even when she was at home. Anya shifted in the doorway, fiddling with her fingers nervously. She could see the hidden anxiety in her eyes, though Anya was trying to hide this with one of her usual smiles.

"Dobryy vecher Amelia" she replied calmly. She had so many things she wanted to ask. Maybe she should have offered her popcorn, suggested a different movie. Maybe assumed that Amelia would rather go out. If she had done anything to upset her, she wanted to apologize for that. Admittedly those cheesy dating books on self help with lov were not helpful and inaccurate, not seeming to take into consideration that all people were different and no methods worked for everyone whatsoever.

Amelia swallowed, looking into those violet eyes she swore she was seeing stars. She coughed nervously not wanting to leave the younger girl waiting. "Good evening" she responded quickly. She must have looked so suspicious right now, it was obvious she was uncomfortable. She felt her arms slowly moving up her body to hug herself, a defence mechanism she had developed over the years when she was insecure or afraid. Instinctively protecting herself from being hurt in some way, trying to shut out any negativity that may influence her.

"I do hope you didn't feel forced to watch that movie with me. You seem to enjoy them, so I assumed… we could do so together" she asked hesitantly. If Amelia had plans with someone else she would understand. She had just hoped to understand her a little better. Maybe see what had been bothering her. But she worried if she had overstepped her boundaries and assumed that Amelia even wanted to spend time with her. I mean they had become closer in recent years but she was currently confused on where they stood.

Amelia felt a sharp pain hit her, a pang of guilt weighing down on her. Now she felt even worse, she had made Anya feel like she didn't want to watch that movie with her. Like she had been trying to avoid her. God, she felt like such an asshole. The last thing she ever wanted to do was upset Anya, she wished she could be more mature about her feelings. But she had never experienced such a strong crush on anyone before. It was like her brain seemed to malfunction whenever she so much as attempted to compliment her. "NO! I mean, you…. Crap" she babbled in panic.

Anya appeared stunned by the abrupt outburst of Amelia, how she avoided her eye contact yet again and her words were muddled. She clenched her fists, having promised herself she would try. "Da, you were saying, crap?" she repeated patiently. She couldn't help but want to smile or even laugh at the flustered face of Amelia, she wondered if anyone else had seen her look like this. How sweet, to know that Amelia was capable of making such an expression around her of all people, it was rather flattering indeed.

Amelia decided that saying something too complicated would end up becoming stupid again. Perhaps something simple would be easier for her to manage without looking like a fool. She just liked Anya so much and trying to speak to her was like trying to defeat the moss on a hard level of a game. She took a deep breath her cheeks flushed with colour "You, me, coffee? Drinks maybe?" she replied desperately.

Anya blinked, while she had been spouting nonsense she had mentioned coffee or some kind of beverage. A casual setting, something where they could talk. She would like that, something that would allow them to talk with less pressure. That sounded like a better idea. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear shyly. "I hear there is a local bar, all of our classmates go. They have food and beer, you like beer da?" she replied nervously. She had never been one for bars for long periods. But she felt maybe she could bond with Amelia more comfortably there.

There was no way she was going to be able to flirt with Anya sober, hell, she was doing a disastrous job so far. So drinking at a bar more comfortably seemed like a better option. Hell, she couldn't say she wasn't trying god damn it. I mean, Anya was making the offer to be friendly. "S... Sure, just say when and I'm up for it" Amelia replied abruptly. She couldn't give up, she really liked Anya. Maybe a little dutch courage would allow them to break the mould and let them bond. Better than the trainwreck that was their movie night.

Anya breathed a sigh of relief, half expecting Amelia to say no. She was so hard to read she never knew what the American was thinking. Sometimes she even wondered if Amelia enjoyed spending time with her at all. "Friday is good unless you have plans?". She would hope Amelia would notify her first before she did such a thing, expecting them to hang out only for Amelia to choose to spend time with someone else without telling her would be rude.

Amelia hummed, they had classes all week and Friday's were when she let her hair down. Potential hangover and bad mistakes were a given, so why not just roll with it? Though she wondered if Anya had thought this through beforehand. "You betcha, me you, drinks. Friday" she agreed. Anya smiled, a soft blush colouring her cheeks. Amelia swore she could have eaten her up right then. Remembering why she had developed a crush in the first place. Anya walked back to her room quietly, before nodding in approval. Amelia slowly closed the door, eyeing Anya as she left. She had it so bad, but she couldn't help but scream internally for joy. Her first real date with Anya, someone had to be looking down on her right now with pity. "Don't mess up, don't mess this up. You can do this!" she repeated mentally. She would flirt the hell out of Anya no matter what.

* * *

Anya closed her bedroom door, she had done it. She had finally asked Amelia out front for drinks. God knows things were going too slow for her liking so she finally made a second move. The movie had been a disaster so she had to think of a second move. Amelia was hard to read and often the spontaneous type, but she got the feeling that she liked her too. Whenever she averted her gaze when her cheeks coloured or she spoke utter nonsense. She felt that it was all because of her. Since her past relationship in her past with Yue Wang, she hadn't really had feelings or a relationship for that matter with anyone. But then she met Amelia jones, and suddenly she was a mess.

She was often flustered, angry and shy because Amelia got under her skin, making a mess of her rationality and causing her to either want to kiss her or left her speechless. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt such a strong attraction to anyone. She slowly approached her bed in a daze, wondering if she would wake up and Amelia would be back to usual. Her dorky self walking around in semi revealing clothes, unaware of how alluring she looked. Flirting with cute male and female classmates so casually. She was never good at speaking her feelings, often keeping them to herself in hopes of protecting herself. Preferring to cry alone into her pillow as she longed for love from the object of her affections. But for the first time in a long time, she had hope.

Her body became heavy, like a weight piled upon her out of nowhere. Falling onto the comfort of her mattress, enveloped by the warm comfort of her sheets and blankets, her face smothered into the pillow. Her long hair flowing down her back and across the pillow. Sighing heavily in relief and confusion. She didn't know when she started to pursue Amelia, all of a sudden she was all she could think about. What her lips would taste like, appreciating her appearance and then how much she wanted her all to herself. Her thoughts slowly becoming more inappropriate.

Ever since she was a child, she had felt an empty hole in her heart, one that longed to be filled with affection and loyalty. Longing for a companion who would help her ease the emptiness of her soul, feeling as though she would forever be alone. China had cared for her, babied her and kept her from getting into trouble, though her relationship had been more maternal than romantic. But with Amelia, things changed. She knew she wanted to belong to her, Amelia to belong to her. She refused to allow anyone else to have Amelia, for her to end up in someone else's arms.

She sighed under her breath, a heavy growl escaping her lips. Reaching out to her desk to grab her phone, her eyes locked on the screen. She tapped her fingers across the buttons before sending a message to her brother Nikolai. She had found speaking to her family about her deepest thoughts was easier, given she knew they would keep a secret and had been her longest confidants ever since they were children.

_I made another movie. Watching movies didn't work, perhaps drinking will do the trick-Anya_

Dmitri her older brother immediately replied. He was the older, more mature and sensitive of the trio. After leaving college himself he had developed a better life for himself and become more confident.

"_You won't get anywhere if you cannot be honest. I know it is hard for you to be so bold, but you will lose your chance if not. I am always here for advice-Dmitri"_

"_Is that woman really so dense? Maybe you will have to be more blunt with your opinion? Do I need to have a word with her? Did she make you cry?-Nikolai"_

Anya smiled, though still protective of her. Nikolai had found himself able to date more comfortably by being honest about his feelings for other people. Though still socially awkward his life had become better for it.

"_I have asked Amelia out for drinks, she likes beer da? Maybe that will help her loosen her tongue a little-Anya"_

She knew Amelia would never talk to her without some alcohol in her system, though she would never take advantage of Amelia in that way, despite rumours about her. She simply wanted them to be both comfortable and less pressure on their shoulders to talk. Maybe they would see classmates there. Was it a date? I mean, the pressure of it being one potentially may arise in the future. But for now she only wanted to understand Amelia on her own terms, to know what situations she may use in the future to become her lover. In order to make her feelings for her blossom further, in hopes of them entering a relationship.

"_Be careful, don't make any foolish mistakes. That girl may say something stupid while intoxicated. Look after yourselves-Nikolai"_

"_Wonderful idea, the simplest approach is often the most successful. Remember you can always talk to us-Dmitri"_

Anya placed down her phone, rolling over to curl into a fetal position, reaching for her pillow and clutching it to her face. Remembering how Amelia had done the same during their movie? Was this a gesture of insecurity, was Amelia expecting her to make the first move? "Gav-no" she mumbled under her breath. She wouldn't have had to consider an alternative plan had she been more perceptive. But how was she supposed to know what Amelia was thinking, that girl's mood changed like the weather at the best of times?

* * *

"_You what?!" _Maddie yelled abruptly. Where had this change in mood come from? Usually Amelia simply complained at how her crush was getting nowhere and she feared to be single forever. She felt proud of her big sister. She had taken her advice to heart and decided she could no longer sulk about. Taking the casual approach like she suggested, taking some of the pressure off herself had allowed her to think more clearly.

Amelia shifted nervously, was this a dream? Was this real? She was still a little taken aback that she had actually managed to ask Anya out. "Y… Yeah… I suggested we go for drinks" she chuckled awkwardly. She wanted to do that embarrassing dance all girls do when something good happens with the person they like, when you feel happy and you feel chemistry. There was no word for it but everyone understood what she meant.

"_Sorella idiota finally got herself a date? About time" _Lovina's voice teased from the background. Seriously, nearly everyone knew about Amelia's not so secret crush on the Russian. How she had not made a move yet was infuriating to watch. She had been tempted many times to intervene and just break the ice herself, she had only held herself back for Maddie's sake.

Amelia pouted, she knew all too well that Lovina was teasing her again. Yes, she was an anxiety-ridden bisexual. But hell, she was proud of herself. She finally felt like she was getting somewhere, moving along another stepping stone. Walking the path of love, the bubbles and butterflies in the stomach that left you feeling good.

"_Do you want me to help you out? I and Lovina could help you get ready and even give some pointers. If you freak out, just text us casually and we will do what we can" _Maddie reassured her. Though Amelia had to do this herself, she could always ask for help.

The mental image of her sister and her girlfriend spying on her while dating sent a sickening feeling down Amelia's back. That scenario would only make it look like she was plotting some awful prank on Anya and drive her away. That was the last thing she wanted to happen. However, she could use the pep talks and back up should things go wrong. "N… No I mean… yes. You can prep me before the date and help me get ready. But don't…. don't spy on us. I'll let you know what happens through the night" Amelia babbled. Hell, she was glad it was her sister and not Marie giving her pointers. No doubt she would explain how two women fell in love, how to seduce Anya and all sorts of embarrassing stuff like that. God knows she loved the French woman, but at times she could be a bit over the top with her support on love talks.

"_Don't do anything stupid. Imagine her as a Principessa if that helps, try to imagine something a heroine would do" _Lovina reassured her. Not anything as overdramatic that would scare her off, but some of the small things she did in her fantasies that led to Anya falling in love with her. Treat her like she was the only woman in the world, the most precious jewel that needed to be cared for and nurtured.

"What you mean sweep her off her feet and ride off into the sunset?" Amelia joked. She knew Lovina was trying to help but honestly half of her daydreams just sounded cringey or embarrassing in real life. Though fairytales were a fun read and often left you with a childish sense of mind afterwards, in reality their expectations were not really very appropriate long term. But they were still fun and a long-term guilty pleasure.

"_Questo idiota" _Lovina mumbled under her breath. She was often grateful that Amelia didn't know much Italian or this would only make things worse. This woman needed a full tutorial of how to approach her crush, let alone a pep talk. "Listen, you treat her nice, you compliment her, just be casual and if it feels wrong or right, say it. You think too much, you mess up. Baby steps sì?". Maddie said nothing, obviously impressed by Lovina's pep talk and how easily she said what she was thinking. Amelia was now starting to understand how these two may have ended up together so easily.

"So, be nice to her, make her feel special and do what comes naturally?" Amelia replied hesitantly. That sounded easy enough, but she still worried somewhere along the way something would go wrong. Or maybe that was just her anxiety and self-consciousness talking. Still, they made it sound a lot easier than it really was, peer pressure and panic would follow her.

"YES!" Maddie and Lovina replied in unison, she was finally getting it. Though it had taken some time she was finally understanding what they were trying to say. How Amelia didn't understand how it could be so easy was beyond them.

Amelia winced at their heated tones down the phone, feeling guilty at how she had been pressuring them for help and whining so much. But they really had made her feel better. "Thank you guys, really. Sorry for being such a moron, I guess… I dunno I really like Anya. And well…. Sometimes just looking at her… my brain turns to mush". The line went quiet for some time, it wasn't often Amelia was so mushy. It was a side of herself she didn't often show to others. The nervous girl who just wanted love and a happy ending. The girl whom she worried nobody would like if she ever showed them.

"_You'll be fine Amelia. You aren't a moron, everyone acts like a doofus around their crush" _Maddie teased. She wasn't any different than any other person who fell in love. She was just being human.

"_Good luck eroina" _Lovina teased. When she wasn't being an annoying, loud-mouthed and foolish pain in the butt, she wasn't so bad. You couldn't choose your family after all. Amelia smiled to herself before hanging up the phone, but she felt pumped now. Like she could face this date with Anya.

**Dobryy vecher-Good evening**

**Gav no- shit**

**sorella idiota-Idiot sister**

**Principessa-Princess**

**Questo idiota-This idiot**

**Eroina-Herione**


	3. C3: The real you

**So yeah, a lot of people have been asking me to update this story so I finally did. I've had a lot of issues with writing recently, not that it's my creative flow but I've had a lot of personal drama going on in my life that didn't give me a lot of drive to write. ****However, after some personal space and healing I've decided to vent by writing again. I hope you like the new update and please leave requests for future chapters in reviews.**

**Thanks :)**

Amelia paced across her bedroom anxiously, her heart hammering in her chest, her body trembling with a mixed cocktail of anxiety and excitement. She felt like a small child at Christmas, wanting to dance with pure joy and yet have a freak out all at the same time. God, she had forgotten what it felt like, making the first move, acting on your feelings. Making romantic contact with another human being of whom you were interested in. She was so used to spending time with people platonically, she forgot how fun dating could be. She had tried to wrack her brains on previous memories of how to prepare for such a thing. Reading as many cheesy articles and watching some scenes from her secretly favourite cartoons. Yes, even she could act like a lovesick clueless moron at times, she wasn't as cool as she made people think all of the time. She was capable of messing up and making bad decisions the same as everyone else. She was only human after all.

She had so far pulled on a pair of jeans, skinny blue was her usual go-to. Comfortable, compatible with just about anything and flattered her figure. But she didn't know if she should fix her hair in a bun, ponytail or leave it in its normal style. Rummaging through her wardrobe for something to wear. Somehow nothing looked right and she wanted to look her best. She thought about calling Maddie again or even Alice, her two closest family and someone whom she could rely on for good advice. God, though she was confident around her friends, why was it around her crush her brain turned to mush and she forgot how to function? Why was she never able to just be herself like so many others?

"Damn it, are jeans too casual? I mean… I hate dresses but for today maybe…." She muttered. Was it good or bad to overdress? If she dressed down too much she may look bad. Trying to choose between the ideas made her more frustrated and growled under her breath impatiently. God, here she was at aged 19, getting ready for a date and freaking out as though it was the end of the world. Though the thought that many other women were going through the same thing somewhere else did make her feel a little better about her personal breakdown. She opened her top drawer and looked through her shirts, mostly all printed T-shirts with phrases or superhero prints. Not appropriate for a date at all. God, why did she have to own such uncool clothes at a time like this? She needed to make a good impression after the failed movie night. _"I've got nothing to wear?! Should I ask Maddie for help? What about borrowing something from Marie?!" _she panicked mentally. She was running out of time.

She was used to dressing casual, she never seemingly had moments in her life where dressing up or being fancy ever became an option. She preferred comfort over anything else. Things that made her look good but never stand out too much. She needed to think appropriately instead of something that would instead go very wrong later on. It was late winter nearly early spring meaning it was still pretty cold out. She couldn't risk getting sick during the date and ruining everything. She needed to rationalise and wear something appropriate. At least Alice could praise her later on for thinking maturely instead of wearing too thin clothes and making herself sick.

She soon yanked out a beige creamy coloured jumper, it had a low turtleneck style which was foldable. It had a knotted print on the front which she called her comfy jumper. Mostly for study sessions as a local coffee shop before an exam or when she was just visiting family. However, it would look cute and would keep her warm for their date. She pulled it over her head hurriedly, dancing about awkwardly as she tried to adjust it. After tidying herself briefly she spun on her heel to look at herself in a nearby mirror. She peered at herself nervously in the mirror, giving herself a once over to make sure it looked decent. To her relief, she looked pretty good. The jeans rested on her hips and showed off her figure. The jumper hugged her comfortably yet lightly hung off her body. She shyly smiled to herself, confidence restoring itself knowing she had made the right choice.

She leaned closer to her mirror, admiring up close to make sure she hadn't missed anything out. She patted her cheeks as she looked at herself in the mirror up close, checking for anything out of place. "Maybe a light face, paint my nails a pale pink or black, I don't do it very often" she considered. It may prove to get Anya's attention. Confident in her choice, she hurried to get ready. She never really enjoyed too much makeup, but was occasionally partial to flavoured lip gloss, perfume and polish.

* * *

Anya hummed to herself as she casually paced around her room, music from her phone playing softly in the background for ambience. Her thick coat folded neatly over her chair with her scarf. Having already put on her skinny jeans for her date with Amelia. She had always been the kind of person to prepare for such things in advance, it helped to be organised as to prevent any mishaps from occurring that would later become problematic. Though Amelia was the kind of person to go with the flow, she liked to have some stability in case they got lost or needed directions. It prevented her from being late or making sure the company was even open on that day.

Other people around her called her too fussy or an overthinker, which at times Anya did worry was true. She couldn't help it, she had been raised as a mature and organised person. Ready for anything that may come her way no matter what form. But tonight was about having fun and entering new territory, which was both frightening and exciting. She had looked out a pair of brown ankle boots with a string tie front and a dark purple lace blouse with no sleeves. Around this time, bars tended to have outside heaters and they could always have the choice of sitting indoors too. She had been on a date before in the past, however, had not had many since high school. She had to admit she felt a sense of girlish excitement to go out with her crush on a romantic evening together.

She wanted to make a good impression for Amelia, to truly win her over in hopes of making her understand her affections. Leading to them finally ending up in a romantic courtship as she hoped for. She needed to be a little bolder in hopes of getting her message across. She had added some perfume to her chosen attire, in hopes of making Amelia swoon which wouldn't prove to be too difficult knowing Amelia. Painting her nails indigo to match her top. Making sure everything was perfect, that nothing was ignored.

She would be contacting her brothers briefly as the evening unfolded, to ease their worries and let them know how things went. They would be concerned after all, she was their beloved sister. They simply wanted what was best for her. Her brother Dmitri had briefly had a crush on Amelia's sister Maddie before he learned she was dating Lovina and accepted her rejection. Instead choosing to make new friends, her younger brother Nikolai having a crush on Alice but instead accepting her friendship instead. Proving how complicated all of their love lives were.

* * *

Anya walked out of the bedroom quietly, holding her coat and scarf over her arm. Making sure she had her room key, wallet and other necessary items. They would be needed during and after the date after all. She had made sure to dust herself with some perfume and was careful that her clothes and appearance remained immaculate. The last thing she wanted was to find stains or frayed ends on her shirt only to have to go and change all over again. Being sure to check always made things so much less complicated. Suddenly, Amelia's bedroom door flung open loudly with a bang making both girls jump. Amelia stood in her doorway, wearing a very cute jumper in Anya's opinion, her face flushed but lightly done up. Wearing black nail polish, her usual star pins in place. She smiled at Amelia fondly, admiring her rather casual but lovely attire. "You are ready to go da?" she asked calmly. If she still needed a minute to recollect herself she would patiently wait on the sofa.

Amelia swallowed, Anya looked amazing. Always so mature and sexy, despite only being a year apart Anya was a very organised person. She wished she could be that prepared and perfect. Ready to go with no stress or panic, but she just wasn't that kind of person. She took a deep breath trying to calm herself. "Y… yeah, I was just making sure I had everything y' know. I'll just be a minute" she babbled. She suddenly felt sick from nerves but pushed that feeling down within herself, she couldn't back out now.

Anya smiled, glad that despite her panic Amelia was putting thought into this. "Khorosho, I shall be in the living room when you are ready to go" she replied politely. Allowing Amelia to close her door and grab the rest of her belongings. Anya couldn't help but laugh quietly at the antics of her awkward roommate. Though Amelia was what her classmates called a "hot mess" and awkward a lot of the time. Things Anya had once found to be annoying had become amusing and endearing to her. Enjoying seeing the softer side of the American, compared to the obnoxious persona she showed around her classmates.

* * *

Amelia kept her gaze locked to the floor, biting her lip so hard she was surprised she didn't make it bleed. Her hands buried in her pockets as she strolled down the street beside Anya towards the bar. She swore her face was so red she was surprised she wasn't radiating heat. She didn't understand how women in romantic comedies were so relaxed and confident before a first date, she felt like she was standing on a ledge and the weight of the world was looming on her shoulders. The cool air of the evening was a relief, helping calm her nerves as she allowed herself to think about the night's activities. Hoping the alcohol would help her relax around Anya instead of messing up as always. She was still internally debating of how she gave the wrong impression on their movie night. Staying as far away from Anya on the couch as possible, causing Anya to believe she was ignoring her or upset. Both of them were luckily awkward people in their own way, except in Amelia's case it happened to be more obvious.

Anya walked silently beside her, her own hands buried in her pockets for warmth. Her usually pale cheeks flushed pink by the cold air, her eyes gazing at the stars in silent admiration. Her platinum blonde hair falling down her back angelically. Amelia still found it hard to believe that Anya really couldn't see how beautiful she was to others, nor how much she made Amelia suffer from a gay panic due to her perfection. Wondering if she would ever end up with the girl of her dreams. Desperately chasing that fairy tale ending.

Abruptly, Anya broke the tense silence with an expected question. "Do they serve food at this place? If not I am more than willing to look elsewhere afterwards?" Anya asked curiously. She was more one for coffee shops and restaurants rather than bars, but she was willing to explore with her crush to bond with her. She had different tastes to Amelia, but then opposites attract as the saying went. The two of them couldn't be more different, yet had a strong tension between them that other people were able to notice. Yes, she knew other people around them wanted them to be together, but sometimes she wondered if that was ever going to happen.

"Um… yeah, it's more finger food or fast food. Fries, cheesy fries, nachos, burgers, messy stuff. Nothing fancy, but it goes well with beer" Amelia mumbled. She wondered if this had been a good idea, after all, her nerves were kicking in and she really needed a beer. Yeah, finger food and not something that required a fork or a knife, but it accompanied the beverages well and was just a food many people enjoyed. Of course someone like Marie would never be caught dead in a place like that.

Anya was a person who preferred to cook her own meals but did enjoy eating out occasionally. This would be a fun experience for her, a step into the world that Amelia was so used to living in. "I see, this sounds fun". She had always been a very private person, keeping to herself due to trust issues. Bullying as a child making her cautious of who to give her trust and loyalty to in case she was hurt. However, some unknown force made her want to trust Amelia. Yes, she was a mess and sometimes she was foolish and made bad decisions. But mostly because she had a tendency to be oblivious. Never able to really read a situation very well.

Amelia took a deep breath, glad she had been given a second chance to have a proper date with Anya. Praying she didn't mess up again this time. At least with a little alcohol in her system, she would be able to muster some courage to be more honest with Anya. "Thank you, for letting me try again" she stammered shyly. Anya gazed silently at Amelia, her hair tickling her cheek. Seeing the anxiety and bashfulness of the younger girl. For once she looked her age, a panicked student in her late teens, going on her first date. Her affections for Amelia only growing stronger at that moment. Of all the girls she could have fallen for, her ex-rival who had become someone she now adored. Why wouldn't she take another opportunity to better understand her?

* * *

Amelia took a long gulp of her drink, feeling the tension ease from her in waves. Her previous panic now floating away slowly, her body calming and confidence growing. Coming to a bar had been a good idea, allowing her to feel more comfortable in her settings. They had ordered some food too, which would come later when they had done some talking. The hum of music in the background, which she had become good at blacking it out. She was in her element and finally she could breathe, not having to worry too much about making mistakes.

Anya sat silently beside her with her own drink, a glass of wine with a little ice. Her hands placed neatly on her lap, silently watching Amelia take a gulp of her drink. Her violet eyes calm and yet curious. She had heard from her classmates that Amelia was a fun loving person and the life of the party, but she had never seen that side of herself. Only glimpses of the girl who came home early in the morning and dragged herself to bed to nurse the hangover the morning after. Chugging coffee of any kind and begging for painkillers to relieve her suffering.

Amelia sighed in relief, the first sip was always the best. Waiting for it only made it better when it arrived. She licked her lips to get the remaining foam, wiping shyly at her lip with her hand. She had needed that so much, allowing her to feel comfortable. Yes, she was relying on dutch courage to finally get somewhere with her crush, which Anya was taking notice of. "You seem a little nervous printcessa, are you feeling ok?" Anya asked in concern, a slight playful hint to her tone. At times she had wanted to tease Amelia when she got flustered for fun, but never in a cruel way. The kind of thing you do to a loved one.

Amelia blushed, she wasn't great at Russian but she knew the basics. From what she could make out, Anya just called her princess. Was she flirting with her? God, how was she supposed to respond? "Um… yeah, I'm feeling a little better now. Being somewhere more in my comfort zone helps I guess…" she trailed off. She had experienced one night stands before and knew easily how to speak to other extroverted or introverted people. But Anya knew how to mess with her, get under her skin and confuse her. She hated how bad she had it for Anya sometimes, turning her into a mushy brained lovebug.

Anya hummed, taking a sip of her own wine. Enjoying the icy flavour of it, she had always preferred the dryer kind rather than the sweet. A soft hum escaping her lips as she enjoyed the taste. She sighed as she put down her glass without even gaining a moustache, a real lady. She then placed down her wine glass silently. "I have been worried about you lately, during our movie night you seemed on edge. Then after when you mentioned coffee, I didn't understand. For a while I assumed you were mad at me" she confessed. Even after knowing her for so long, Amelia was at times hard to understand. One minute she was bouncing off the walls with hyperactive joy. Wanting to share her manic happiness with everyone and act as a positive influence. The next she was a sulky crybaby complaining about exams and other personal problems, rather than dealing with them maturely. Sometimes dragging other people into it making matters worse. Or sometimes she was quiet, conflicted but good at concentrating. She never knew which side of the American she was ever going to experience, like playing a game. Leaving Anya wondering what side of her crush she was going to come into contact with.

Amelia mentally kicked herself for being so stupid. Even more aware of how much she had messed up before. If only she had been more honest and level headed, trying something she was comfortable with. "N… No… I… I'm just bad at this sort of thing" she confessed awkwardly. She often didn't understand how Anya processed. Sometimes innocent to social norms and trends, sometimes manipulative and childish when things didn't go her way. Sometimes she was just selfish and hated being alone and isolated by her peers. Unaware of her influence on others nor aware of how this was perceived by other people.

Anya smiled, slowly moving towards Amelia, turning her body in her direction. She reached out a hand to rest it atop Amelia's as if it belonged there. "Amelia, I just want you to be yourself around me. You do not have to force yourself to be something you are not" she reassured her. She appreciated honesty above all else, she didn't like being lied to. She had been used by people before, some even pretending to be her friend as a prank. Causing her to worry about the people she let into her life. She often saw Amelia had debates about how she acted around Anya, but Anya just wanted to be trusted. Amelia felt a wave of joy and yet embarrassment wash over her, a sense of panic filling her. Internally screaming at Anya's comment and their newfound sense of comfort with each other making her feel safe. Glad that she was getting closer to Anya. Anya gripped Amelia's hand, squeezing it lightly. An unknown smoulder appearing in her eyes and her smile becoming mischievous. "I have to admit, seeing you panic does amuse me" she teased tenderly. Seeing Amelia let down her guard, showing her fragile, conflicted self, made her smile. Finally seeing the girl she was rather than the confident adult she made herself out to be.

Amelia stiffened, her heart now leaping into her throat. She had always been given several hints over her school years with Anya, but now she was sure of the possibility that she was a sadist. But now she wasn't sure how to feel about it. Trying to push it to the back of her mind. God, she couldn't stop staring at Anya, so close to her lips. Wanting to lean forward and kiss her so badly. But she pushed it to the back of her mind. She was used to living with Anya, I mean they had been roommates for a while. But until now she had been repressing her feelings out of internal panic. Now that she was actually acting on them, she was freaking out.

Anya then pulled away, leaning back on her sofa. Enjoying the ambience, low music playing in the background, lights hanging from the ceiling, like something out of a dream. She was glad she had come to this place with Amelia, allowing her to have fun. Amelia sat in shock for a while, trying to process what had happened. She was so sure, her intuition had told her that Anya was going to kiss her. But… supposedly she had been mistaken with her actions. She then felt her cheeks flushing with embarrassment and slight anger. Pouting in annoyance and leaning back in her seat, drinking more of her beer to comfort herself.

* * *

Anya's eyes lit up with childish wonder, enjoying the taste of the food they had chosen. Though greasy they were indeed pleasant to taste, however, eating them on a regular basis would not be healthy. But spoiling herself occasionally would be acceptable. She could understand why people would call this "Comfort food". Eating something like this after a bad experience would be delicious indeed. Forgetting your problems with unhealthy meals until you felt better, despite all the health risks that came along with it. But maybe she was just overthinking things again, she should just enjoy the taste.

Amelia stifled a laugh as Anya continued to enjoy the nachos, sweet potato fries with paprika, burger sauce and burgers they had chosen. Though Anya would never openly admit how pleasant they were. "I take it you approve" she grinned. This wasn't the first time she had taken a companion out only for them to deny enjoying the food despite inhaling it like a ravenous beast. But then it was fun to have a private joke that would only annoy them later on.

Anya blinked, her mouth still semi full of food. Before swallowing and wiping her mouth hesitantly. Mentally scolding herself for not eating more politely and acting like a child "This… is unexpectedly delicious" she mumbled. She would happily come here again with Amelia, this was a fun experience for her. Entering the social circle that was a large part of Amelia's college life. She would look back on this moment with fond memories, taking as many mental photos as she could.

Amelia smirked, cutting her own burger in half and proceeding to chow down. The flavours hitting her tongue. She always knew the best places to go, it was part of the college experience after all. Finding all the best places to go to celebrate, I mean most of them were cheap or bargain prices due to college draining you of money. But sometimes you could afford to splurge, on account of having a part time job. Meaning she could afford to take Anya on nice dates like these in the future.

Anya smiled, though she did find her obnoxious tendencies annoying. She did appreciate the fact that Amelia was really trying to make this a fun experience for her. "Spasibo Amelia, not many people would have the patience to spend time with me like this". Many people were often scared of her, thinking her too creepy and secretly faking her kindness. That she was truly just a cruel person incapable of caring for anyone. Very few people understood her on a personal level, aside from her brothers and her ex girlfriend Yue Wang.

Amelia softened, awkwardly finishing her mouthful to speak. Not expecting Anya to become so soft and sincere. She chewed for a while before wiping her mouth. "You… I mean, at times it's still hard for me to understand you. But… your complicated, some people just don't get that. Doesn't make you a bad person". She knew how badly people bullied Anya, and yes back in school she had teased her a lot. But she was a stupid kid, she hadn't known better back then. Now she knew what a jerk she had been and actually tried to bond with Anya. Wanting to become the better person she knew she could be.

Anya hummed, admittedly she had strongly disliked Amelia in school. Avoiding her at all possible costs. But she had truly grown as a person since then. Recognising her mistakes and trying harder not to upset or insult her in a way that would be hurtful. "I would like to meet your friends too, I like your Sestra she is very sweet. They are all good people". The kind of person she truly was showed by whom she was friends with. She had also heard a lot of positive rumours about Maddie's pancake talents.

Amelia laughed, that would be an interesting situation indeed. Maddie was a soft person but she was no pushover and could be very passive-aggressive at just rarely showed that side of herself around others unless comfortable. Due to her anxiety about being ignored or bullied by other people around her. "I mean both your brothers are kinda cute themselves, but it's weird to think Dmitri is so adorable like Maddie, yet Dmitri is the scariest person I know" she muttered in perplexion.

Anya smiled nervously, yes she was aware of the reputation she had as well as her brothers. While people called her scary and intimidating, nobody knew how protective her brother Nikolai could be. He had a look on his face that was capable of sending chills down even her spine. However, Nikolai knew of the bullying she had endured as a kid and how people spread rumours and bullied her in high school too. He just wanted to protect her from being hurt. Dmitri being the oldest took the place of a father figure. Now living on a farm in the country, but sending her care packages, writing and visiting when he was able. He was a very gentle person and often worried about her wellbeing. The only person capable of soothing the rage of Dmitri and herself.

Anya absentmindedly picked at her food, hoping she would be able to finally find out how Amelia felt about her. Sometimes she felt like she was running around in circles here. Amelia was asking all the basic questions one would in any situation. Yet she didn't make a move on her. She asked her for movies and then food, but perhaps she was just being friendly and her romantic interest had been mistaken. "Amelia, what do you think of me?" she asked calmly, her tone stern. She was trying to not come across as agitated or impatient.

Amelia's mind turned to mush in a matter of seconds, suddenly finding herself capable of processing basic words. How was she supposed to respond? _"I find you so attractive I wish I could kiss you until you pass out?" _yeah better not go with that. But yes, she was crushing hard on Anya. She felt her hands shaking and felt herself growing faint. As embarrassing as they were, the input of her family would be most helpful right now. She could see the hesitation in Anya's eyes, her insecurities starting to spike. Though she had a calm face on, she was trying not to put pressure on her. God knows Anya wasn't popular with a lot of people in their college. Causing Anya to endure loneliness behind a smile. "I mean… you're pretty obviously, You're really smart, you aren't good at talking to people, but you aren't a bad person. You just don't understand socializing is all".

Anya went quiet, hiding her face behind her hair. Had Amelia just called her pretty? She felt her cheeks heating and not from the small amount of alcohol in her system. She was trembling like a small child alone in the dark. She felt herself smiling like an idiot. Knowing her crush found her attractive. She felt herself laughing under her breath, she really liked this girl. Amelia blinked as Anya laughed under her breath, biting her lip as she did so. Wondering what was going through the Russian girl's mind. Anya looked up at her with a bright smile, stifling laughter. "Mne zhal, I find myself remembering something foolish" she apologized. She turned to Amelia with a bright smile, her cheeks still slightly flushed from the wine. "I think you are amusing Amelia, you are terrible with words yet earn admiration from others. You have a warmth that draws people to you. Yet you can act like such a childish fool at times".

Amelia pouted, Alice, Marie and her own sister often pointed out how clueless she could be. They knew she meant well but the way she carried out her ideas often caused her to fall short. Was Anya making fun of her? But it didn't upset her, in fact, she didn't mind it too much. Like when a friend did something stupid and you affectionately insulted them before bursting into uncontrollable laughter. It was a sign that Anya liked her too at least, she could work with that.

* * *

Amelia sighed as the cold air hit her cheeks, full of food and in a good mood. She was glad she made new plans with Anya after all, this had been a lot of fun. Though she had still been a little embarrassed, she was still in her comfort zone. Aside from some embarrassing and awkward moments, nothing truly tragic had happened to make a mess of things. She would happily share the details with Maddie later about how their date had unfolded. But next time she would need to plan things better for sure.

"It has gotten colder da?" Anya replied wrapping her scarf tighter around her neck. Though they would not feel it as much, for now, they may need to turn up the heating when they got back to their apartment. The winter had felt so long this month, hoping that spring arrived soon so she could admire the flowers in bloom again. Amelia nodded silently, good thing she had wrapped up warmly. That way she had less of a chance to feel the cold that Anya would in her thinner top. The sky was still clear and beautiful, like a scene from a cheesy rom-com or something.

"Tonight was fun, I would very much enjoy coming here again" Anya admitted. She usually kept to herself and attended familiar places. But she would enjoy coming here with Amelia again on another occasion. It could be their personal space, somewhere they could meet up and share secrets maybe. She knew it sounded selfish but she often yearned for a place aside from their flat that belonged to just her and Amelia. Somewhere nobody else knew about.

Amelia looked at her with anxiety, hoping she wasn't lying or being kind to soften the blow. "You sure? wasn't too… loud… I mean I know you prefer… fancier places" she persisted restlessly. She wanted to bond with Anya, to make her feel involved and go places she would feel comfortable. But she wasn't the kind of girl who wore fancy dresses and ate at silver spoon customer service. She felt uncomfortable in places like that, having to put up an appearance that didn't suit her.

Anya smiled, shyly tucking some hair behind her ear. Truth be told as long as it meant she could bond with Amelia, she would be happy sitting in a library watching her read her favourite comics. "I am not used to places like these, but maybe…. You could show me more" she asked hopefully. Maybe she could join Amelia at her favourite coffee shop while she studied, maybe they could go buy comics together, all of Amelia's hobbies. As long as they were together, she would do anything.

Amelia felt herself screaming for joy, was Anya asking her to be her guide? Meaning she could show her around on incognito dates? Hoping to grow closer to her crush without her knowing? This was her chance and she could not let it slip away. "YES!" she yelled loudly surprising herself and both Anya with her abrupt outburst. Anya stared at her as if she had grown a second head, not expecting her loud yell. Some people now just arriving staring at them too. Aware she had just made a scene and now regretting it. Amelia coughed, mentally scolding herself for being so stupid. She sighed, trying to calm herself into a rational sense of mind. "Yeah, I'd love to show you around. Maybe you could join me in plans with my friends. Get used to being around people" she suggested.

Maddie was a softy and it was hard for anyone to hate her, Alice was abrupt and stubborn but she had a warm heart deep down. Marie was flamboyant and often excitable but she was a good person. Sakura was polite and always kind, never making people uncomfortable. And as hot-headed and passionate as she was, Lovina was always a polite and considerate person towards new people. She loved her friends and family, they knew about her crush on Anya, she would call them later about it obviously. But for now, she could always reach out the hand of kindness and hope that Anya took it.

Anya gazed at her cautiously, she knew all of Amelia's friends were good people. However, Marie tended to be a little confrontational at times with her opinion. But this would be a chance to enter Amelia's world and hopefully connect with her. "Da, I mean, if you are really ok with it" she accepted. She wouldn't intrude if she wasn't welcome or feel safe, but taking this first step was a chance she was willing to risk.

Amelia smirked, a small tingle of confidence filling her. But she respected and understood why Anya would be afraid of entering somewhere she felt she didn't belong. "If I wasn't, I wouldn't have asked" she teased.

* * *

Amelia threw herself on her bed, gripping her pillow in a vice-like grip, a large grin spread across her face. Rolling back and across her mattress excitedly, butterflies filling her like a storm. She was so happy she had decided to make a second attempt at a date after all. She had been scared of messing up and giving wrong signals, but everything had worked out in the end. She knew that this didn't make them a couple by any means, but they were making bridges. Tonight had been so much fun and she felt able to openly say some of her feelings towards Anya. That at least was some of a relief. Anya had looked so beautiful it hurt, taking all of her self control not to leap across the sofa and capture her lips in a kiss. Not wanting to scare her off and give her the wrong idea.

Her long hair falling down her back, her purple shirt hugging her curves and showing off her figure. Her pale skin on display, her violet eyes shining in the light like stars. Giving her the resemblance of an ethereal angel or a princess. She smiled to herself and giggled, relishing this feeling and enjoying the moment. Knowing she would be too hyper to sleep tonight. _"I went on a date! I went on a date! OMG! Now we can make mini dates! Coffee runs!" _she mentally screamed. She had so much to do and so many plans to make. Of course balancing college work and her personal life wouldn't be easy. But she was going to try even if it killed her.

* * *

Anya leaned against her pillows, gripping her stuffed toy to her bosom protectively, nuzzling her face in its soft fur. A shy smile spreading across her face, enjoying the warm feeling filling her body. It had been a long time since she had experienced such tender feelings for someone. Somehow, Amelia's clumsy manic energy had caused a fondness for her to form. Feeling protective and jealous of anyone who showed her any form of interest. Wanting to keep Amelia to herself all the time, but she refrained herself.

She was aware these feelings were indeed love, the kind you felt when you found someone not only physically attractive. But you found small quirks in their personality endearing that others did not or never bothered to notice. The way Amelia's eyes resembled pools of ocean blue when she was thinking, how she occasionally wore glasses when going over her essays or reading a book. How adorable she looked when sleeping with some slight drool hanging off her lip. Anya knew all of these things.

She knew she should tell her brothers about tonight, sharing what happened during their date. However, she wanted to blissfully enjoy this feeling to herself just a little longer before she went to bed. Feeling as though she was floating on a cloud. Eager to turn on her playlist and secretly blast out the cheesiest pop songs about having a crush. Collapsing slowly onto her side and curling into a ball, giggling quietly to herself.

* * *

**Khorosho-Good**

**Printcessa-Princess**

**Spasibo-Thank you**

**Sestra-Sister**

**Mne Zhal-I'm sorry**


	4. C4: Rock bottom

**I'm back with a new update and Amelia being a relatable dork**

**plenty of fluff and humour, please follow, favourite and review**

Amelia sat at her desk grinning dreamily, giggling to herself as she reflected on her first real date with Anya. It hadn't been the most traditional of dates but it had indeed been memorable. Sometimes you made a mess of things out of anxiety, tried to impress them and things didn't go as expected, but still went well anyway. Though it didn't always go well for everyone, she was still grateful that she had made a good impression. Not everyone was that lucky when it came to matters of second dates.

The image of Anya all dolled up for her had been the best moment of her life, trying to find the correct words to describe to Anya just how amazing she looked. Why did she have to be so awkward around her crush? It was like she lost all ability to speak English and act like a normal human being, why couldn't she act like one of those cool human beings who swept a girl off their feed and rode into the sunset majestically? Anya had looked amazing, like a princess incarnate. Though surprised by the venue she seemed to have enjoyed herself which was a relief to Amelia. Terrified of making a good first impression. She knew Anya enjoyed literature, gardening, was a medical student so she was obviously intelligent as well as intellectual. She felt so incompetent compared to her, but she still tried her hardest to prove her devoted feelings to the russian girl. But after mustering up her courage and being able to ease her tensions, her tongue became loser and she was able to relax. They had spent hours doing nothing but talking and bonding with one another, finally bringing down some walls between them both. She had barely noticed the cold weather by the end of the night, finding herself bashfully smiling at Anya and feeling fuzzy inside.

"elia….melia…. AMELIA!" a voice yelled in frustration. Now was not a good time to be spacing out. They had exams approaching and absorbing information was necessary to pass. She could be doing this on her own, instead of wasting her time on her sister who was blatantly ignoring her. She and Alice could be having a study date before having some free time to do whatever they wanted. If not for the fact Amelia had begged her in advance she would have rearranged the date if she knew she would act like this. This was unfair to her and she didn't appreciate being treated this way.

Amelia blinked, snapping out of her daze and nearly slipping and smacking her head on the desk. Hoping that nobody else had witnessed her acting so embarrassingly in a public place. She gazed around the room briefly, before locking her eyes on a figure sitting opposite her. Staring at the owner of the voice in a dazed state, as if she had just been pulled from a dream. How long has Maddie been sat there? Why was there a cup of coffee beside them both and just how in the hell did they get to the library? She had been daydreaming and admittedly disconnected from reality, but she would have been at least able to remember travelling. So where on earth had the time in between gone?

Maddie stared at her from across the table with an annoyed expression, gripping her pen tightly in her hand. Silently judging her for not taking her studies seriously. She knew Amelia was a passionate strong willed girl, but she could be rather oblivious and ditzy at times, becoming a hindrance to her studies. She wasn't taking any of Amelia's crap nor her excuses, "Do you know the answer to this question?" she asked firmly. This was all necessary information she would need during her written test, she couldn't afford to ignore her.

Amelia slowly stared at her notes, she hadn't written anything down. She had been scribbling and doodling nonchalantly, but nothing of value that she would need for her exams. Of all times she had to pull a brain fart, why was she so stupid? Crap on a hat, that wasn't good. This was the worst-case scenario of her blame. She needed these notes to memorize for her test to pass, yes she may have been a police trainee but even she needed to take written tests, not just physical. Everything jumbled together into a mess of white and blurry, just what in the hell was happening. She was usually on top of her grades, yes she was no perfect student but she wasn't a moron either. "I... Maddie... I didn't..." she babbled, she knew she had messed up, she didn't need someone to explain that to her. She felt like a kid again, back when Alice would scold her for being childish or throwing a tantrum.

Maddie sighed, rubbing the space between her eyes where her glasses rested. She was never going to pass at this rate, she knew Amelia could do better and she was intelligent, but if she became distracted she would mess up her opportunities. You needed more than physical strength and wit to become a police officer, there was a lot of pressure on her shoulders. She believed that Amelia would achieve, but she was acting as her own ball and chain, holding herself back from her future. "Amelia, I'm glad you and Anya finally started to date somewhat. But please don't let your daydreams affect your studies. You'll never achieve your dream of becoming a police officer if you space out this much" she scolded.

Amelia shivered, she had worked so hard to achieve this dream. She felt like such an idiot for wasting Maddie's time like this when she was taking the time out to help her. She was just so happy but she had began to wonder if her crush on Anya was starting to affect her negatively. That other matters of importance were being neglected due to her love-struck actions. She could understand Maddie's frustrations, as if she was in her place she would have reacted the same way. "I… I'm sorry Maddie…" she trailed off, her voice wobbling.

Maddie huffed, she knew Amelia meant well but she needed to focus on her future as well as her dating life. Finding a way to balance both while respecting yours and others schedules was part of being an adult, Amelia was just bad at realising that. She did tend to drag people into her problems without warning, leaving everyone to pick up the pieces of her messes. "Listen, Amelia, take some time off and I'll write you some notes later. I have plans with Alice later so I'm gonna have to dash" she apologized. She knew Alice hated to be left waiting around too long, standing someone up wasn't very polite nor was it fair. She knew of her plans with Amelia to study, but there hadn't been much of that being done whatsoever. She reached out to ruffle Amelia's hair affectionately, mirroring Alice. Despite being younger, Maddie had always been the one who looked out for Amelia. Amelia always found herself in trouble, though she protected her friends, more often that not she bit off more than she could chew. "We all have our methods for studying and memorising. Maybe you could ask Anya to help you out unless she's busy" she suggested. It would be another excuse for them to bond, things had gone so smoothly last time why not give it another shot.

Amelia blushed, her cheeks heating profusely with embarrassment. Alone with Anya so soon? Was she even ready for that? She had hoped to take things slow when approaching a relationship with her, but everything was moving so fast. She had dreamed of a relationship with Anya, but that was only in her imagination. Asking her out on a date was much scarier in real life. She didn't know if she could cope under this much pressure, she looked up to meet eyes with Maddie desperately, pleading silently for her help. Maddie grinned mischievously "Sorry sis. This one you have to handle by yourself".

* * *

"So you finally went on a date with that police trainee you've been crushing on. Why not just tell her how you feel?" Nikolai asked curiously. He knew Anya and Amelia had butted heads during their high school years, bitter rivals to the very end. However, it seemed underneath their arguments and tension, there had been romantic interests hidden underneath it all. His sister truly had the strangest ways of telling girls she liked them, but then everyone was different in that aspect. He did wonder what kind of girl she would have turned out to be if their childhoods hadn't been so traumatic. The cold and harsh winters in which the storms would hit the house, the whistling winds frightening Anya. Remembering when she would get lost in the snow, unable to find home until he and Dmitri were able to find her and bring her home. How poor they had been, until they were able to make better lives for themselves and find benefits to support them. Grateful for the many blessings they had adapted into their current lives.

Anya smiled playfully, she had made her interests in Amelia clear from the beginning, only the blonde was too naive to understand her feelings. So she resorted to teasing her to get her attention instead, which worked a lot better than her previous attempts. "Because she is so cute when she is all flustered. Her abrupt inability to vocalise her feelings is entertaining to me, so I cannot help myself" she giggled. Catching Amelia off guard, causing her to lower her guard and watching her cry while sulking were all so cute to her. The faces that Amelia only showed in moments were a rare thing and she treasured them. Wanting to pull this side of Amelia out, compared to the heroic face she showed everyone.

Nikolai sighed, for all he knew his sisters softer, cautious and maternal side he worried the aura she gave to others made her appear to be quite the sadist. Often times she was unaware of how cruel her childish pranks would be, causing people to distance themselves from her. He had praised her bravery to admit to herself and others of her homosexuality. Protecting her from further bullies who would do her harm or accuse her of false rumours. Her possessiveness of others that she developed an attachment to only stemmed from her fear of being abandoned. Her fragile psyche due to their traumatic childhood had slightly warped her into the woman people tended to fear these days. "You know that may scare her off da? Why risk losing her if you like her so much?" Nikolai questioned suspiciously. Amelia could be rather dense at times, not always able to understand the methods of others and jumping to conclusions. What if Amelia believed Anya was simply bullying her and decided to date someone else? Would Anya be able to cope with that? Knowing she had chased away the girl she liked due to her own actions? He loved his sister but sometimes her methods of getting things done were incorrect.

Anya stiffened, gripping her teacup tightly, peering into the red liquid with a pained expression. If she ended up alone again it was because Amelia had not liked her as much as she claimed to. She wanted to be sure that Amelia truly cared of her wellbeing, that she wasn't pursuing her as a joke or some inside prank to humiliate her. She was not willing to risk heartbreak to appease the amusement of her childish roommate. She would much rather become involved with another woman whom she could bond with emotionally than waste her time on Amelia if it wasn't meant to be. "I… I want to test her, to see the sincerity of her interest in me" she muttered quietly.

Nikolai softened, he knew when she was a child people would fake confess to Anya as a cruel joke. Only to later reveal their intentions, crushing her heart under their foot. Laughing and mocking her that she was unlovable, how could anyone ever fall in love with a monster like her? Leaving his sister broken-hearted and cautious of whom she gave her heart to. Sometimes she would attack people angrily unaware of her own strength when she snapped, the memories of her bullies flashing through her mind. "Has she got an interest in someone else? Has she given you a reason to doubt her?". He knew Amelia was a popular girl, back in their school years people confessed to her nearly every day. She was always seen with a large group of friends and talking about romance. He could see why that would agitate his sister into believing Amelia may not be serious about her.

Anya smirked coldly, she had always hated this side of Amelia. How popular she was, how loved she was, how everyone flocked to her. She had never known hardship the way she had, she had never known the cruel side of people's actions. She had never known how to fake smile or hide tears so nobody saw how much their words truly hurt. She hated how reserved, distant and cautious people acted towards her, while they lowered their guard around Amelia. "_I hate it, I hate the smiles she shows them. I hate how that stupid girl always acts kind to everyone. But she always becomes flustered around me" _she snapped angrily. She wasn't a monster, she wasn't a freak, she was just a girl whom desperately clung to love because she had known so little of it. Why was it wrong that she wanted to protect the brief positive emotion she had experienced. She wanted to cry, she wanted to scream. She wasn't a bad person, she wasn't cruel. People had taunted her first, they never apologized for making her selfish and needy because they broke her innocence first.

Nikolai reached out his hands to caress his sisters supportively, he knew she had difficulty expressing her emotions due to her childhood traumas. She harboured trust and confidence issues due to the harsh words she endured growing up. Terrified that people had a false interest in her, using her for their means. He had scared off many harassers and bullies who attempted to cause her further grief, he had watched her admirers to make sure their interests were positive. He made sure that no negative people entered her life and further broke her heart. But he could sense no malicious intent from Amelia, she was clueless and sometimes odd, but her feelings for Anya were genuine. "Sestra, perhaps your doubt is clouding your judgement. Perhaps you should listen to your heart for once, not your head" he reassured her.

Anya raised her head to meet his gaze, her violet eyes filled with anxiety and hesitation, she wanted to believe him. But she was so afraid, she didn't want to hand her heart out into the open, only for it to be crushed once more. She couldn't allow herself to fall in love so recklessly again, it would do her no good. "But, what if…" she trailed off. Her doubts caused to her to question if she was even doing the right thing, if this wasn't just a waste of time.

"You like her Anya, you wouldn't behave this childishly if you didn't. I doubt she would have stuck around this long if she didn't feel the same" he encouraged. Love was a tricky thing, blindly following your passions and throwing caution to the wind. But when there was passion, when there was a connection, you knew that person was meant for you. She just had to trust her feelings and ignore her doubts.

* * *

Amelia dashed along with the courtyard, she couldn't fail this test and she needed help. Anya was the smartest person she knew, she was a medical student for crying out loud. If anyone could help her she could. She hated to pester Anya constantly for her help with her studies, but she had nobody else she could turn to. Maddie had called quits and was going to bond with her girlfriend, Sakura was off spending time with her girlfriend Euphemia, so she could only rely on her roommate to be gracious and tutor her.

She felt her heart hammering in her chest from more than just the running, she never thought she would be this desperate. She must have looked like a madwoman, making a scene in the middle of the college campus. She knew all sorts of rumours and jokes would be spread throughout the day about her public scene. Her chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath, ignoring the stares of nosier classmates. This was a habit her roommate had picked up in high school when people bullied her, when Anya didn't want to be found, she was good at hiding from others. She closed herself off, isolated herself from others and went into hiding until she felt like being sociable again. She didn't want Anya to feel as though she couldn't trust her, or that she had to hide her feelings from Amelia. She knew she came across as oblivious and ignorant at times, but she was just bad at reading people or social situations sometimes. She leaned against a wall panting heavily, sweat dripping from her brow and slightly dizzy from exertion.

"Damn it, where is she hiding?" she growled. She had worked so hard to finally get somewhere with Anya and hopefully understand her, now it felt like she was just running around in circles. She raised her head, spotting a familiar ivory blonde haired girl sitting at a table. She wanted to yell at her for causing her so much trouble but restrained her temper. She tried not to cause unnecessary arguments with Anya these days, they weren't kids anymore and sometimes it wasn't worth the trouble. However, a pang of anxiety rushed through her as she acknowledged Anya was talking with a male companion. She knew Anya was openly a lesbian so her interest in the male gender was non-existent compared to herself. But that didn't stop men from finding her attractive. She probably appeared a mess right now but she didn't care, she had other matters concerning her at that moment. She needed Anya's help no matter her personal feelings.

* * *

Anya wanted to believe Nikolai, he was a smart person, he was enrolled in English Literature and modern paganism course. He had developed a close friendship with Alice Kirkland due to their similar interests. He was very mature for his age, he was the same age as Amelia, but often acted as though he was much older. Though he appeared intimidating and unfriendly, he carried a softer side within and so far only Alice Kirkland was the only person to have seen that. She knew he would never allow anyone with ill intent to become involved with her. But he wanted her to understand, she had to make her own choices instead of turning to him for advice all the time. Despite being the older sister she asked for his help in moments of weakness. But she felt so lost inside, she couldn't recall when she had harboured such strong emotions for someone before.

"Yo! Can you let me know next time we play hide and seek!" A familiar voice confronted her. She had certainly given her a run for her money, causing her to make a fool of herself in public. But that wouldn't really matter anymore, she had found who she was looking for. She knew Maddie was pushing her out of her comfort zone to be more confident around Anya, but she felt like a newborn foal trying to walk for the first time. Everything felt so new and strange, her palms were sweaty and her mouth felt dry. She just let anything ramble out of her mouth, no matter how odd it sounded to everyone else.

Anya snapped up her head in surprise, flipping her head in the direction of Amelia's voice. Her eyes bright and wife as she tried to perceive whether or not she was dreaming. She had just been discussing her with her brother, now she appeared magically out of nowhere. Could it be she sensed Anya speaking about her and decided to approach her on the matter? No, perhaps that was giving Amelia too much credit, she was not that perceptive. She certainly had a habit of making a dramatic entrance, whether she meant to or nor was still a mystery. Amelia was bent over, her hands rested on her knees as she attempted to catch her breath. She was adorning a denim jacket, decorated in patches and badges of her personality. A red spaghetti strap top, blue denim shorts and white vans. Wasn't she supposed to be studying with her sister all afternoon?

Nikolai peered upwards, shooting his sister a knowing look. Having proved the point he had been trying to convey to her. Amelia was not the type of person to go through all this effort for just anyone. She was an awkward individual when it came to love but ran blindly, following her feelings. She had her heart out on full display, taking chances to impress Anya. Now his sister just had to give her a chance and trust that Amelia wouldn't break her heart. He had given all the advice he could, now the rest was for her to act upon. He slowly got to his feet with a charming smile "Thank you for the coffee, I shall see you soon Sestra" he replied politely. Slowly making his leave to allow the girls some privacy.

Amelia watched him leave with silent panic, she knew Anya had two brothers, her youngest whom she had just been speaking to and her oldest who owned a farm in the country. She had only ever met her younger brother, but heard her older brother Dmitri was also handsome, she just came from a family of good looking people. But she wondered if her oldest brother was as scary looking as his two younger siblings. Amelia slowly raised herself upwards, her cheeks flushed from the heat and exertion. Flashing Anya a goofy smile, "Sorry, I just interrupted something didn't I?" she apologized. She was terrible at reading social cues, which led to awkward, embarrassing or problematic situations.

Anya blinked, slowly attempting to consider if she was dreaming. She sighed heavily, removing herself from her seat to acknowledge Amelia. Perhaps in the future she could teach Amelia a little more about manners, it seemed she needed better education on them. "Nyet, I was simply having tea with Nikolai over some personal matters. Why may I ask are you running around in such humid temperatures like a madwoman?" she questioned in concern. The weather had been rather heated recently, leading to raised temperatures of humidity. Hydrating oneself and staying cool was a priority, due to living in a cold climate for most of her life she enjoyed the heat, but could on occasion be weakened by it. However, Amelia seemed to throw caution to the wind and seemed to neglect self care in a heatwave, either out of ignorance or lack of self awareness.

Amelia gave her a guilty expression, hesitant to speak her mind as she averted her gaze. "I… I'm struggling on my written test. Maddie was supposed to be helping me but I spaced out and she had a date with Alice. You… you're the smartest person I know so… could you maybe…" she trailed off. She completely understood if Anya had other plans or her own studies to worry about, she was a student herself and needed to focus on her classes. She would just have to attempt struggling through by herself, but she couldn't give up and took a leap of faith hoping it would work. But she had to admit the silent tension was starting to become worrying.

Anya felt her cheeks heat, was Amelia complimenting her intellect? She had come all this way to ask for her help due to her superior knowledge? Indeed, back in their high school years her grades had been above average and she passed many classes with good grades. While Amelia had been average despite her taking part in class, she was known to nap occasionally or space out instead of paying attention. She averted her gaze, not wanting to reveal her happiness on the matter to reveal inappropriate conduct, gripping her hands tightly to muster her courage. "I.. You are surely of an age where being self-reliant and personal study is necessary. But since you put in all this effort to ask for my assistance, I will help you. However, I expect you to take this seriously" she protested.

Amelia blinked, taking in Anya's words before perking up to flash her a beaming smile. Anya was agreeing to help her on her studies for her upcoming test, she didn't have to face this alone! She thanked every god she could think of for this stroke of luck. "Thank you! Oh my god thank you so much! I owe you big time!" she praised eagerly. She couldn't form enough words to express how grateful she was. She was tempted to start dancing and jumping around in the courtyard to express her joy.

Anya felt her heart flutter within her chest, what was it about this American that made her act so irrationally? She could never seem to deny her requests or reject her offers to bond with her. Her heart feeling as though it was being squeezed, something about that smile and her big blue eyes made her act like a blind fool. It couldn't be that love was swaying her already? Since when had her resilience become so weak? "Come along, if you wish to get some revision done to prepare yourself. It is best to start as soon as possible" she chided. She turned on her heels and began walking back to their shared apartment, fixating her gaze on the path ahead, hoping to make no more conversation in case she said something foolish.

"Revision Asap got it roomy" Amelia responded eagerly. Trailing after Anya cheerily with a spring in her step, completely forgetting why she had been so anxious in the first place. She could always rely on Anya to be supportive and help her out when she was in need. She didn't appear so, but she was secretly a softy underneath her cold exterior.

* * *

Amelia glared at her books intently, gripping her pen and tapping her knee under her desk. Biting her lip so harshly she thought her lip would start to bleed. No matter how hard she tried to remember the facts or the test questions, her mind turned to a blank slate which only made her panic worsen. She had studied for weeks but she couldn't write anything. Was her brain broken? Was she stupid? Maybe she had developed a sort of amnesia which prevented her from being able to study ever again! Oh god this really did suck!

Anya gazed at Amelia with a look of sympathy, percepting the stress and anxiety plaguing Amelia. However, her stress upon herself was only worsening her ability to focus. Her breathing had become hitched, her eyes were wide with fear, she was gripping her pen so hard the nib could have snapped on the paper. She couldn't help but feel some concern for Amelia, she never knew she carried this much pressure when it came to her exams, there was more to this girl than people thought. She wondered if any of her friends knew she acted this way "Amelia, breathe" she soothed calmly. She had heard of pre-exam jitters, the stresses, the mental breakdowns, the pressures and people freezing during exams or having to take a break as they couldn't cope. But she had never experienced witnessing someone in person. Let alone that her roommate struggled so severely from such feelings.

Amelia blinked, having realised she had been holding her breath all this time. Abruptly sensing a feeling of dizziness overwhelming herself, causing her to panic. Why was this so difficult, just what was it about this test that made her brain turn to mush, she knew she could do this so why did her brain have to fail her like this? Anya must have been so frustrated with her! "I… sorry… I was… I was paying attention honest!" she panicked frantically. She couldn't make an excuse to get out of this mess, she couldn't lie or say she fell asleep, that would just make matters worse.

Anya smiled in amusement, why was watching Amelia act so frantically so endearing? "Amelia, perhaps the pressure you are placing upon yourself is causing you to lose your ability to focus and absorb knowledge" she suggested. She knew Amelia wished to fulfill her dream and accomplish the future she wished for, but pressuring herself that failure wasn't an option or to constantly succeed was actually acting as her downfall. Messing up, being forgetful and becoming stressed was expected. She needed to breathe and remember, taking a break when things became too much were an option. Nobody was perfect, no matter how smart they were, all humans had a flaw.

Amelia stared at her in awe, as if she had just stepped out of her body and was in a stranger's body. Suddenly, everything made sense to her. Realising she had been overthinking and acting as her own worst enemy. She had always piled work upon herself and told herself she could finish it, even to the detriment of her own wellbeing. She had just never considered how that could be doing more harm than good until now. "I…. I guess I never noticed" she muttered. She had always focused on her dream, never considering the pressures she would endure because of it.

Anya smiled, glad she had alleviated some of Amelia's stress from her shoulders, but it seemed she needed further advice to prevent this from happening in the future "Taking notes is key to help memorise for future exams. Also if you get so anxious and forget, you can always reflect on the notes to help revise". It seemed Amelia would need help and other methods to help her prepare for exams, because whatever she had been doing until now clearly hadn't worked. Something told her it involved chugging coffee and studying into the early hours the night before the test.

Amelia gripped her hands abruptly, her blue eyes wide and staring down Anya manically. Anya wincing slightly at her intimidating position, yet again Amelia confused her with her behaviour, trying to understand her actions and motives. Anya's gaze focusing on Amelia's face, taking in all of her facial features, memorizing them for future reference. The personal space closed between them, almost the perfect position for them to kiss. She could smell Amelia's perfume, her shampoo, the softness of her breath tickling her cheeks. "Thank you, Anya, you've been so patient I don't know how I'd cope" she vented.

Anya felt herself deflate, disappointment filling her, as she bit back the urge to scowl at Amelia. She had never been this frustrated with a human being before in her life. She certainly didn't understand social cues or reading body language whatsoever "_How is she this simple?" _Anya reflected curiously. She would never get anywhere with her pursuit of a relationship with this girl anytime soon. However, she could work this situation to her advantage, she had enjoyed her date with Amelia and wished to do so again. "You can make this up to me should you pass, or at the very least accomplish your studies" she teased.

Amelia flinched, a hopeful yet panicked expression appearing on her face. She didn't want to misread anything or get her hopes up, but she couldn't help but become excited at the prospect of what she hoped was a second date "Eh… you mean…" she stammered. She crossed her fingers mentally, praying, wishing and hoping that her gut instinct was correct. She couldn't wait to call Maddie about this later on and tell her what had happened, she couldn't believe her luck.

Anya smiled, fighting back her urge to intimidate her into agreeing "You will take me out again da? I enjoyed our time together last time and I wish to experience it again" she explained. Though Amelia was unorthodox when it came to dating, their experiences were always memorable and fun. However, she would enjoy showing Amelia into her world and what she enjoyed while dating. Hopefully finding a healthy balance with both of their interests when it came to romance. It was the best way to communicate with each other.

However, Amelia was too excited to pay much attention to anything in that moment. All she knew was that her crush wanted to go out with her again, this felt like the happiest moment of her life. She felt as though she could fly to the moon and back on this feeling alone "If I pass you'd go on another date with me!" Amelia yelled desperately. She had another chance to show off to Anya and show how cool and down to earth she could be when she tried. To prove how much she liked Anya, how desperately she wanted to be her girlfriend. This was a chance she couldn't allow to slip through her fingers. Anya simply smiled at her, responding to her question with silence.

Amelia slammed her hands on the table, causing the desk to rattle and Anya to stare at her wondering what she had triggered. Had she made the right decision and just what had she released by suggesting a second date as the ultimatum to give Amelia the encouragement to complete her studies for exams. She hadn't seen Amelia this excited in a long time. "Ok brain, we need to cooperate! I need to focus and I need to pass this test!" she yelled.

* * *

Amelia groaned lowly under her breath, her head slumped against the sofa pillows wearily. Her head was buzzing and ached, she would at least sleep well tonight from all this revision. She ached in places she never thought possible and she was utterly fed up, being a student was far more stressful than she believed when she signed up for her course. She had no desire to move whatsoever, maybe a night of Netflix on the sofa would help her feel better. Just binge some of her favourite shows until she inevitably fell asleep.

"You should feel proud, you worked so hard Мед" Anya praised warmly. She had pushed through her work and made some mistakes, but she didn't give up and appreciated all the encouragement Anya ave her. Asking for advice when she got too confused and powering through the things she found easiest. Amelia was no quitter and that was an admirable trait to have, especially when it came to her exams. But admitting your own flaws and weaknesses was what made you human, that wasn't a bad thing.

Amelia peered slowly up at her from her comfortable hiding place on the sofa. She spotted the two mugs that Anya was holding in her hands, watching her suspiciously. Though she appreciated the gesture, the timing could have been better "Isn't it kind of late in the day for coffee?" she asked. As much as she loved coffee, in all of its delicious forms, even she knew when the cut off point for caffeine was. She did appreciate the late night teas though, they helped her relax and ease into sleep.

Anya giggled "goryachiy shokolad" she explained. It was warm, milky with some light cream atop and would help ease her. It was also a personal favourite of hers too. Much like Amelia she had a sweet tooth of her own, however she was less conspicuous about it. She remembered on particularly cold nights, her brother Dmitri would sit beside the fire with her, wrapped in blankets and serve cups of it to help warm them up. It was a very fond part of her childhood, making her feel warm and tingly inside.

Amelia slowly sat up and appreciatively took the cup from Anya, blowing on the contents before taking a hearty sip. She already felt herself melting from the inside out, as if she could fall asleep right here "This is good" she praised eagerly. She didn't drink hot chocolate all that much, but she had to admit this stuff tasted great. She had always believed hot chocolate was too childish for a near adult to try, but perhaps she had been denying herself of the simple pleasures too harshly.

Anya smiled, placing a finger to her lips "It's my secret ingredient" she winked. There were ways to make the simplest of things adult, to add a little spice to the mix in order to make it more enjoyable. You didn't have to make things boring, though it was not everyone's taste, this was a guilty pleasure of hers. She didn't mind plain hot chocolate, but to her adding something extra made it taste better somehow. Amelia looked curious, wondering what she could be talking about. Anya slowly leaned towards her "I slipped some baileys inside, tastes good da?"

Amelia hummed, she knew of people who added baileys, rum and even whiskey to their hot cocoa in small amounts. She never tried it herself but now believed she had been sorely missing out. She could drink this stuff by the gallon, thought that would probably be a bad idea. But this was indeed a delicious treat she would happily enjoy again. "You should make this more often" she agreed. It made a tasty but warming surprise indeed. Anya spoke so little of her hobbies, she had no idea Anya was also skilled when it came to cooking. This would make her even more popular than she already was, perfect housewife material. She couldn't cook to save her life unless you counted Frankenfood that most college students created when broke. Though Alice was a skilled cook and tried to prepare her for adult life by learning to do so. Amelia just hadn't been able to hack the skill of cooking like Maddie had been able to.

Anya sat beside Amelia and sipped her drink, it was refreshing after sitting at a desk and working for hours. She wondered how much self-care Amelia considered for herself. Taking time to care for your own wellbeing was a necessity in life, knowing when you needed a break and headspace to recharge and feel happier in yourself. You could never expect to be happy if you neglected your wellbeing for the sake of making others happy "How have you coped with your anxiety until now?" she asked with concern.

Amelia blinked, she had never really told many people about her anxiety, only her sister and Alice knew. It had been a hindrance many times in her life, making situations more difficult than necessary. Though she had tried to ignore it previously, it never seemed to leave so she just learned or bear with it and ignore it. She'd never really considered getting help or that there was anything to make it better "I dunno, sleep I guess or just wait till my panic attack stops" she mumbled. Sometimes she would hide in her room for hours until she felt calmer, try to repress her feelings as to not trouble others then allow herself time to breathe in private. She was afraid if she told someone she wouldn't be taken seriously.

Anya frowned, wondering why nobody in her family had helped her with this until now. She knew Alice had her own demons and previous experience with anxiety, so why wouldn't she reach out to Amelia and offer guidance. Unless Amelia had hidden it even from the people she loved? Reaching out to someone for help was not a shameful thing, it took great courage to admit such personal things. But the methods she used until now were not healthy nor helpful in the least, it would just make it worse "That is not healthy, such things will make it worse" she scolded. "Have you tried medication? Breathing exercises, self-care, aromatherapy and such. There are plenty of methods that work" Anya suggested. Mental health was a common issue of people in their generation and only in recent years was it being taken more seriously than before. It was truly a struggle for those that endured it, trying to find ways of making their mental illnesses easier to cope with. But it seemed Amelia needed better education on her own

"Aren't meds for when you're sick? Like colds and stuff like that?" Amelia protested, why would she need pills for her anxiety. She had always believed that her anxiety was just something she would learn to cope with, but sometimes she felt so overwhelmed by it she couldn't breathe. She never thought she would be discussing it so casually with anyone, let alone her roommate. She could feel her anxiety flaring just speaking about it, yet at the same time relieved to get such a burden off her chest and into the open.

Anya nodded, she knew how stressful mental health was to discuss, it was such a taboo subject. But it was a serious issue that plagued a lot of people and caused a lot of problems in their everyday lives. It affects everyone differently but was nonetheless a serious matter "Indeed, but they can also alleviate the effects of your mental health as to make them more tolerable. You don't have to suffer in silence". She wished she had spoken to her sooner instead of bottling this up. But she was at least finding the courage to speak out, that was what mattered.

Amelia blinked, she had never considered that option before, that there was an answer to making her anxiety better. She had never felt like there was anyone to turn to, that she was alone. But then Anya was bound to understand this stuff, she was a medical student. This was just basic knowledge to her, she dealt with this sort of thing every day. She probably was just looking at her as a patient, rather than for special reasons of some kind. But what reason did she have to feel sorry for her? But Anya spoke up, chasing away her fears "Amelia, you may have made mistakes in the past, but those actions don't make you a bad person. Anxiety affects your judgement and often be a strain on your mentality. You needn't unnecessarily blame yourself" she soothed.

Amelia smiled nervously, she never expected Anya's advice could be so helpful. She was a much more thoughtful person than she appeared to be. She never thought she would be discussing such personal matters with her roommate and crush. This day had become rather unpredictable but she felt closer to Anya than she had before, relying on her differently. Openly speaking her mind of what had been troubling her all this time "Thanks, I mean… I thought you'd just laugh or scold me like everyone else" she muttered.

Anya smiled warmly, she could understand why Amelia would be so hesitant to share such private information. But she needn't worry, she would never tease her for something such as her mental health "People are still very ignorant towards mental health. But some people just need educating due to a lack of understanding" she explained. There were so many new things that humanity was discovering, learning of all the different parts of humanity, growing and changing with every passing day.

Amelia continued to sip her drink, she didn't know if it was the warm chocolate milk or the bailey's, but she did feel more relaxed. She didn't know why, but she felt like she could trust Anya. She could never speak about this with Alice, Sakura or Maddie, so why was she able to share it with Anya? How did she trust her this much? "I um… so… does that offer still stand?" she pestered hopefully. She wanted that second date

Anya smiled, she had worked hard and proven her effort. She deserved a reward "Da, but we must get a little more work done first. Less strain will ease your anxiety". Moving past hurdles, easing burdens and lessening stress would stop her anxiety from being triggered and give her less to overthink about. It was best to take small steps before taking leaps.

_"Second date! Second date! SECOND DATE!" _Amelia chanted mentally. Life was finally throwing her a break and she was able to live life under her terms, no mistakes, no mishaps and no misunderstandings.

* * *

"Love, you seem worried about Amelia. I thought you were supportive of her relationship with Anya" Alice asked gently. Amelia had been harbouring a crush on her since high school, her gaze following her around whenever she entered a room, denying her blatant crush on the Russian. Amelia struggled for years coming to terms with her sexuality before accepting her bisexual identity and attraction to women. Now she was trying to accept and admit her feelings for the girl she had been in love with for years. So why was Maddie so conflicted about her acting on her feelings? Wasn't she doing what came naturally?

Maddie ran a hand through her wild honey waves with a look of frustration, a steaming cup of maple tea sat in front of her. She was trying to clear her mind, think rationally and not intervene with her sisters happiness. She knew Amelia would never willingly endanger herself, she wasn't that foolish. She allowed her sister to learn from her mistakes and make her own decisions, but she would never stop caring about her sibling. After her brief study session with Amelia, she had headed to Alice's and done some baking and cuddling. Allowing herself to be smothered and babied by Alice's affection, sharing sweet kisses, loving words and joking about as they always did. She loved her sister no matter how annoyingly she acted, she had endured that her whole life. Amelia had never been one to accept the advice of others unless pressured or convinced to, following the beat of her own drum. She was a fiercely independent person who loved sports and horror movies with a passion. But she hid her negative tendencies under a mask to appear perfect to others.

She related to Anya in terms of being underestimated and judged due to your appearance. How lonely it could be when people assumed the worst about you. People had assumed for years she was a pushover, unsociable, shy or just her sister's shadow. Ignoring her own skills, talents and individuality. Until she truly befriended people who respected and understood her. But what was worrying her here was that Amelia was digging herself into a hole she couldn't climb out of. She was worried that Amelia was being careless with her feelings and ignoring her responsibilities. Maddie wanted her sister to succeed and become a police officer, Amelia had been encouraging Maddie her whole life, acting as her personal cheerleader. But now it was Maddie's turn to look out for Amelia to ensure her own happiness.

Amelia had wanted to be a police officer ever since she was a small girl, admiring heroines and strong feminist figures as she grew up. Declaring she would be a hero to the people and kick the butts of criminals everywhere. But sometimes Maddie wondered if her sister confused reality for her imagination, the life of fighting crime was nothing like the comic books. Maddie had also taken it upon herself to follow a childhood dream of a career, Maddie had agreed she wanted to work with animals, as a veterinary nurse. To help sick and injured animals who were in need of care and assistance, making sure they were healed and recovered, though she knew it would also be full of heartache.

She knew all too well how stressful the pressures of your future could be, how the closer you got to getting what you wanted also caused you to grow up. Learning to rely on yourself and learning life lessons of how life would turn out. But then for a long time during their childhood, she had been ignored for Amelia due to her popularity as a child, then as they got older she broke away and became independent from her sister. Which was shy she could understand the methods of Anya. She and Anya were both medical students which were by no means an easy field. But Anya kept so many secrets to herself due to her troublesome past, she just wondered if Amelia was ready for what she would discover the closer she got to Anya. "I just… Amelia can be so dense, I know she loves Anya and they are cute together. But… Anya has her secrets, her demons. I wonder if Amelia fully understands that she's playing with fire. They are good for each other, but… I don't want something to go wrong" she muttered. She didn't want either of them to get hurt or for things to turn ugly. Anya was very much a sensible and realistic person, while Amelia was a daydreamer and a tomboy, two very different people. For them to clash so much may end badly.

Alice smiled, running her fingers through Maddie's hair, fingering her curls affectionately. Sometimes opposites attracted in the most unusual ways, people who didn't seem anything alike tended to be the best for each other. Trying to rationalise love would get you nowhere, you just had follow your heart and instincts. But she admired how protective Maddie was over her older sibling. Maddie was such a caring person, but she often involved herself in the problems of her sister unnecessarily. "Maddie, pet. You can't make an idiot see common sense. Amelia is a loudmouth and she acts brashly, she has to learn from her mistakes. Understand Anya on her terms. Anya is indeed a smart girl, but she's naïve when it comes to Amelia. They just have to bond based on what feels right" Alice explained.

Maddie sighed, sometimes she wished she had the wisdom of Alice, it could make thing so much clearer. Maybe separating herself from Amelia's personal life for a while would be better for her mental health. She leaned over to nuzzle Alice affectionately, allowing the older girl to run her fingers through her hair. Breathing in her familiar scent of musky roses and tea.

* * *

Amelia felt a shiver run down her spine, someone was talking about her, or someone stepped on her grave she had no idea. She could sense that something had been happening behind her back and she didn't like that feeling. She never liked gossip or rumours being spread about her because she knew how much it hurt. Something in her gut instinct told her that someone was thinking about her and not in a positive way. But who could it be to think so negatively about her?

"Amelia? Is something troubling you again?" Anya questioned. She seemed to have a lot on her mind, did she ever know how to switch off? Maybe she needed to educate her on cutting off or going of the grid for a while. Involving yourself in the drama of others was detrimental to your mental health and got you nowhere in life. But it speaking more on the subject would help make her feel better, she would gladly listen. She had enjoyed her evening with Amelia even it had been studying, seeing Amelia focus and vent her passions for her subject was endearing.

Amelia smiled hesitantly, she didn't want to think too deeply into this in case she was mistaken "No, I just… feel like someone was talking about me is all" she stammered. Maybe her anxiety was getting worse, despite having unloaded her thoughts onto Anya. Perhaps she really should consider alternative methods to cope with her mental health. She knew that having hidden enemies was a real thing, someone you didn't know holding a grudge against you without your knowledge. She just didn't like to think she may have caused someone to dislike her so much.

Anya peered silently over her teacup to watch Amelia forcing herself to smile. Wondering if someone had been harassing Amelia without her knowledge. She knew all too well how the cruel effects of bullying warped you as you grew up, changing you into a new person, the survivor of the actions of your harassers. But if someone was harassing Amelia and worsening her mental health and distracting her from her studies, she would have to do something about it. She smiled wickedly, forcing herself to appear calm and complacent, although inside she was burning with silent rage. "I see, does anyone who may have a grudge against you come to mind?" she questioned.

Amelia shivered, she had seen that expression many times during their youth in high school. It was the expression Anya made when she was severely angered, hiding the fact that she was giving someone a death glare. "I uh... I can't say" she babbled. She pitied whoever mocked her while Anya was in her company.

* * *

**Мед-Honey**

**goryachiy shokolad-Hot chocolate**


End file.
